


Falling In Love Is So Bittersweet

by neapeaikea



Series: Falling In Love [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 15:08:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20027839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neapeaikea/pseuds/neapeaikea
Summary: Michael takes that scholarship at UNM, and on move-in day meets Alex again for the first time since the night in the shed when they didn't kiss.





	Falling In Love Is So Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> So, first Malex fic! Woo! Much like everyone else I loved their story on the show and can't wait for them to sort their shit out. In the meantime I had an idea for a fic that takes them somewhere else, namely college. What if Michael had taken that scholarship? What if Alex went to the same college instead of enlisting? In this fic, Rosa and the others were never killed, but Isobel has been experiencing blackouts. But things aren't that bad that Michael can't attend college. It should all be explained within the fic itself. 
> 
> Expanded warning: I decided to use the "violence" warning, but all actual violence happens off-screen. There are detailed mentions of (non-sexual) child abuse in here, and one very serious beating, but IMO, not more than has been on the show. If that's not your thing however, you might wanna skip this one, because it does become a large part of the story.

It doesn’t take long for Michael to move his things into the dorm room he’ll be sharing with a stranger. He’s got all of two duffle bags and three boxes containing all his clothes, toiletry, books and knick-knacks. By the time he’s done his third and last trip to his pickup truck, his roommate still hasn’t shown up. It leaves him a little hesitant, because he doesn’t know which bed to pick. He doesn’t have a preference, a bed in itself is better than he’s had for a long time, but from being in foster homes he knows that others may defend their preference violently. 

People are coming and going in the corridor, mostly people his age but some parents too and even a few kids running around. Michael people watches for a while, wondering when his roomie will show up. He’s been assigned a double, and it’s pretty big for just two people, at least in Michael’s opinion. The room is rectangle-shaped with a bed, desk, chair and wardrobe on each side. They’ll have to use the community bathroom but they do have a little sink and mirror so they can they wash their faces and brush their teeth and whatnot. Michael likes the setup, but right now he’s liking everything. He’s at UNM, he’s actually in Albuquerque, he made it to 18 and finally, finally belongs to himself and not the system.

He’s been a ball of energy all summer, driving Max and Isobel crazy. He’s worked long days at Sander’s to earn every buck he can in anticipation of college life. Sure, he got a full ride, but he wants to have some fun too. The past week has been hell on his stomach, excitement and anxiety battling it out. Two days ago Max and Isobel helped him pack what little stuff he has, and then they’d gone into the desert, having fun with their powers and getting drunk on acetone-infused alcohol. 

Now he’s here, and it feels like he can finally start the life he wants, the one where he’s not pushed around, looked down upon or constantly watching over his shoulder. Most of the others moving in seem to have the same energy, as the atmosphere is hopeful and happy. Max and Isobel didn’t tag along but for once Michael doesn’t feel jealous at the parents lugging suitcases or the tearful hugs as families say goodbye. He thinks it’s sweet, and smiles at a girl picking up what must be her baby sister and making her giggle.

His room is the closest one to the community lounge, and he’s stood in the doorway for a while when there’s a lull in activity. He can actually hear snippets of conversations now, a girl already telling her mom she’ll be fine, a guy freaking out about having to share the toilets with others. 

“Thanks for helping me with the last ones.” Someone says. 

“No problem, man.” Another person answers.

Michael’s head swivels around. He doesn’t know who the first guy is, absently takes in his Asian features, but he does know the guy one step behind, the one who is helping carrying boxes. It’s Alex Manes. Michael’s heart stops, and he can’t do anything as the two walk past him, engrossed in awkward small-talk and not noticing Michael’s stupefied appearance. 

He hasn’t seen Alex since that night in the shed when Alex almost kissed him. At least, Michael thinks Alex was going to kiss him. He’s thought about it a thousand times since then, and in only about a hundred of them has Alex leaned in for completely different reasons. He might’ve meant to take the guitar back, or pick an eyelash from Michael’s cheek. But Michael’s nearly certain he missed out a very important kiss back then.

He watches as Alex and the other guy walk into a room at the end of the hall, neither of them coming back out for a minute. Michael heads over before he’s completely aware of his actions, heartbeat back and faster than ever before. He knocks on the doorframe when he gets there.

The other two look over, and Michael can tell the exact moment Alex registers who it is. 

“Guerin.” It’s all Alex says, but there’s so much behind it, so much more than can possibly fit in a two-syllable word. 

“Hey.” Michael feels his own words fail him completely.

“You two know each other?” The guy walks over, holds out his hand, “Hi, I’m Conrad Willis, I’m in here with Alex this year.”

“Uh, yeah, hi. Michael Guerin. I’m down the hall.” Michael introduces himself because contrary to popular opinion he does have some social skills. 

“We went to the same high school.” Alex explains. “Didn’t know you were coming here though.”

Michael shrugs, doesn’t know where to start.

“Cool, then I won’t be leaving you all alone for my parents. They want to drive around the city with me, get a feel for it, whatever that means. I think they want to tell me what places to avoid.” Conrad says, checking his phone. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Yeah, uh, movie night tonight in the lounge, right?” Alex says awkwardly.

“You’re on.” Conrad smiles, and heads out with a military salute.

Michael sees the flinch on Alex’s face at the motion, and is reminded of what little he knows of Alex’s family. 

“So,” Alex says when they’re alone, arms crossed, “you’re here.”

Michael almost falters under Alex’s undivided attention. Alex looks, if possible, even better than when Michael saw him last. His hair is longer but still black and spiky, the eyeliner and nail polish is there, but the nose ring’s gone. He must’ve spent time outside during the summer because his skin looks sun-kissed and the band t-shirt he has on is tight and reveals surprisingly toned arms. Michael swallows at the sight. He’s more or less figured out he’s bisexual in the past months, and seeing Alex again feels like confirmation of the fact.

“I am. You’re here too.”

Alex rolls his eyes, “So we’re both great at stating the obvious. Excellent.”

Michael smiles, because he’s an idiot with a thing for Alex’s sarcasm, “I got a full ride, what’s your excuse?”

Alex lights up at that, comes closer, “Really, a full ride? That’s great, Guerin, congratulations. Liz kept saying you were a secret genius but I never knew.”

Michael shrugs, “I guess the sleeping bag in the truck didn’t really scream ‘engineering genius’.”

“Engineering?” Alex asks, ignoring the other part of the statement. 

“Yeah, I gotta get a degree in an engineering field, and not fail a single class, and it doesn’t really cover more than tuition and expenses for bare necessities, but still, it’s fucking great.”

“It is great, I’m happy for you.” Alex smiles crookedly.

Michael can feel himself blush, remembering Alex saying sometimes people can do nice things without a hidden agenda. “What about you? What’s your major?”

“Musicology.” Alex says quickly, like he can’t wait to talk about it. “I get to write my own compositions, work in a studio, and they have a lot of Native American studies here so I’m gonna try to do something with that and music.”

“Sounds cool.” Michael says, because it’s the truth. “So, uh, did you move in today?”

“Yesterday. Dad likes to do recon with as few onlookers as possible.” Alex’s whole demeanor changes as he talks of his father. His body stiffens and his voice loses inflection. 

“He approve of the room?” 

Alex snorts, “He doesn’t approve of any of this. But it was his best choice in a worst case scenario.”

Michael wants to push for more details, because that sounds ominous, as does the way Alex rubs at his lower chest like he’s hurting there. A sudden noise from the down the hall distracts Michael and he looks over to see a group of people entering his room. 

“Shit, I think my roomie’s here.”

Alex nods, making a shooing motion, “You better go claim a bed.”

“Yeah.” Michael doesn’t want to leave, he wants to keep talking to Alex because it’s so much easier than he thought, and maybe he can find the words to explain why he never came back to the shed after that night, why he never sought Alex out.

“It was good seeing you, Guerin.”

“You too, Manes.” 

Alex makes a face, “I hate it when people call me that. This isn’t the military. I’m Alex. I’m not whatever it is my dad wants me to be. I’m not _Manes_.”

Michael had no idea he was stepping on such a big landmine. “I don’t even know why my last name is Guerin. They just gave me it.”

“Trust me, you’re better off with a name you can make your own, than being forced one that stands for everything you hate.”

There is so much more to say to that, but Alex has his hand on the door like he wants to close it, and what can Michael say that isn’t a clichéd ‘you are not your father’?. He lets Alex close the door, and only hesitates for a second or two before heading back to his new home.

**

Jermaine is a tall African-American who starts off by saying that he doesn’t know the first thing about basketball and that he doesn’t care which side of the room is his. Michael likes him immediately. Jermaine is a Mathematics student, and they find common interests in mechanical engineering and theories of the universe. They disagree on the validity of astrology and whether tabasco should be heated or cold when consumed. Michael realizes quickly he’s lucked out in the roommate lottery. 

He sees Alex a few times over the next few days, but they never do more than say hello when they pass each other. Michael hangs out with Jermaine instead, and starts learning the names of the others living on the same floor. He doesn’t tell people about the scholarship out right, but when he says he’s an engineering major, people react like they think he’s smart and it feels so much better than the reactions he’s used to from people in Roswell. 

He keeps in contact with Max and Isobel via a group chat and though he worries about Isobel it’s still nice to hear that they’re happy for him. He mentions that Alex is in the same hall as him, and Max says he always liked Alex. It makes Michael change topics quickly. 

The last set of classes for his first semester start on a Thursday, and he enters the lecture hall for Mexican Literature with a minute to spare. He scans the room for a seat and spots one in the second row, next to Alex. 

“Hey, this seat taken?”

Alex looks up, eyes widening in surprise, “Guerin, uh, no.” He moves his bag, making room, “You’re in this class?”

“I have to take a humanities class every year for my scholarship. This was the one that worked best for my schedule.” Michael explains. “You?”

“Yeah, late classes works for my schedule too.” 

The nose ring is back in, and Michael can’t help but be distracted by it. Alex’s hair isn’t sticking up as much as it usually is, it looks soft to touch and Michael wants to. He really needs to figure out how to bring up the whole ‘remember that night you might have tried to kiss me?’-thing so that he can find out if Alex still wants to kiss him. The bedlam of starting college has let Michael shove his probable feelings for Alex to the back of his mind, but it won’t work forever.

The professor chooses that moment to introduce herself, and the class quiets down.

**

“I’m gonna have to read, in Spanish. My Spanish is not that good.” Michael moans on the way back to the dorm after class. “It’s like high school all over again.”

Alex laughs, “Well, what did you think we were gonna do? It’s called Mexican Literature.”

“I thought it would be, like, the history of it. Prominent writers, recurring themes, all that. Ugh.” Michael shakes his head, “Anyway, how’s your classes been?”

“Fun, so far. Don’t know how I’m gonna pass them all since all my professors are like ‘I will not allow slacking off’ but I’ll figure it out.” Alex pauses, points at a sign that’s shining behind a rose hedge. “Wanna get something to eat?”

That’s their first Thursday night pizza date. It’s not a date as such, but recurring nights where people meet in general are referred to as dates, so Michael tells himself it’s not weird that he calls them dates in his head. As autumn progresses and student life becomes the new normal, they always sit next to each other in Mexican Lit and shares a pizza on the way home. It’s nice, finally getting to know Alex. He’d always known who Alex was in high school, but their orbits rarely brought them close. But Alex had been the one to offer up a warm place for Michael to stay without any reason or malice, when others had pretended they couldn’t see that Michael was homeless. 

Considering that offer of shelter, it’s not surprising to find that Alex is a genuinely nice guy, and that his biting sarcasm is hilarious. He’s not afraid to challenge Michael, or to ask him to explain when Michael starts talking about assignments in his Mechanical Engineering class. Alex tells Michael about choosing UNM since they have a unique set of courses concerning Native American heritage and culture, and he wants to know more about himself. That’s how Michael learns that Alex’s mom left them when Alex was little and that their intermittent contact petered out years ago. 

Michael gets to know others as well, like Agnes, Agatha and Jack. Agnes and Agatha didn’t know each other before starting college but decided to be partners in their Mechanical Engineering lab since their names were so similar. Most people think they’re sisters because they have the same dark skin and rock awesome afros. Sometimes they school people about stereotyping, and sometimes they roll with it. The two of them are the definition of short and scary, and make Michael laugh all the time. Jack is a pale, skinny guy who tries hard to not be as shy as he probably was in high school. They’ve all moved in from out of state, and seem to genuinely like Michael for his personality and nothing else. It does amazing things for Michael’s self-confidence. He’s always been third fiddle behind Max and Isobel, always followed their lead and taken their orders. He resigned himself years ago to sacrificing his own happiness for theirs. It’s made him bitter and resentful despite his best efforts. Moving away and starting his own life is the smartest thing he’s ever done.

Jack and he share a lot of classes and end up getting lunch together often. After a hesitant start they get to know each other pretty well. Jack’s on a scholarship too, and after a few weeks it’s evident they’re both nervous about keeping their grants. That helps Michael, knowing that he’s not weird for being as focused on his studies as he is. When they’re told by their Mechanical Engineering professor that they’ll have lab partners for the year, Michael turns to Jack instantly. Michael used to hate group assignments in high school, because he could do most of the work on his own in a matter of hours, but all his classmates were dumb shits that never did anything on their own, which put Michael in a frustrating position of deciding what was more important, him getting an A or his partner a D. With Jack he knows he has a partner that’s doing his absolute best and it’s almost a revelation to have a joint study session with him. 

**

“You’re looking flashy tonight.” Jermaine says.

Michael looks up from his phone to catch the tail-end of a little pose Alex is making. Jermaine is right, Alex is looking flashy, with black leather pants that Michael hasn’t seen before and a sheer black v-neck t-shirt that has some kind of glitter on it. Alex has cut his hair but styled it differently, brushed down over the side of his face. He’s not only wearing eyeliner but mascara too, and Michael has trouble breathing. 

“Thanks, Jay.” Alex laughs, “Gotta look good for the boys, right?”

They’ve not mentioned the near-kiss or anything that can be related to sexuality or romance at all, so Michael doesn’t know if Alex is out at college or not. But he must be because Jermaine and a few of the others that are watching _The Bourne Ultimatum_ together in the lounge laugh and wolf-whistle. 

“You’re going out?” Michael asks, and he blushes from how croaked up he sounds.

“Yeah, Marty’s waiting downstairs. Like, it’s a group thing but he asked me out, you know? So, uh, have a good night everyone.”

“Not as good as you will!” Agnes calls out, and the room laughs.

There’s a bowl of popcorn placed precariously by the edge of the table, and it suddenly flies to the floor. Everyone looks at it in surprise.

“I was nowhere near it!” Agnes says, since she technically was the nearest person. “It was a ghost!”

Everyone laughs, and after a terrified split-second, Michael joins in.

He spends the rest of the night thinking. About why he didn’t let Alex kiss him all those months ago. He’d thought about boys before, had seen gay porn. But he’d never actually had the choice there in front of him, never had a guy that close and still seemed like it wasn’t close enough. Never had a guy look at him like that, staring at his mouth and coming closer. 

He should’ve kissed Alex that night. And he definitely shouldn’t have told himself that it was just a complication, that he had to focus on making it out of Roswell, that he and Alex didn’t even know each other that well. He should’ve done like he’d daydreamed, gone to Alex’s job at the UFO Emporium and kissed him stupid. 

Michael doesn’t believe in regrets, but if he did, he knows what would be top of the list. 

**

They don’t see each other until their shared class the following week, and Michael tells himself it’s because they’re both busy and not because Alex is dating someone. They’ve gotten pretty good at being friends but it’s not like he can expect them to be in touch all the time. And Michael really is busy too, his Applied Mathematics class kicking his ass and Introduction to Mechanical Engineering is surprisingly interesting. He’s kinda embarrassed about how stoked he is to finally have classes that challenge his intellect instead of dulling it like all of high school had.

They meet up before class, Alex waiting by the entrance of the building. He’s smiling down at his phone as Michael approaches, and Michael loves the unguarded moment he gets to witness. Alex is biting his lip, grinning around it. He’s got a leather jacket on that hugs him just right, and a dark sweater underneath that mirror his eyes even though there’s no eyeliner today. He looks happy and carefree, something Michael realizes is a new look on Alex. He always had a cloud following him around in Roswell. Michael’s pretty sure that cloud had the shape of his father, but he’s scared to get confirmation. 

“Hi.” Michael says as he finally gives in and reveals his presence. He nods down at Alex’s phone, “Anything interesting?”

“Oh, no,” Alex quickly turns the screen off and shoves the phone into his pocket, “nothing. You ready to head in?”

Michael’s seen that move a hundred times and knows Alex wants to hide something. “Not really. Didn’t have time to do the reading.”

“Guerin!”

Michael laughs, because Alex sounds outraged and concerned. “Relax, mom, I’ll do it afterwards.”

Alex tuts at him but turns to enter the building. Michael really doesn’t mean to, but his eyes dart down to Alex’s ass. He hears a giggle and looks up, a girl totally busted him and Michael tries to play it off with a lascivious wink. The girl just giggles more, makes a strange hand gesture and walks on by.

Michael hears Alex scoff, “What?”

“Really? That’s your game? Winking at the ladies?” Alex rolls his eyes, “No wonder I haven’t seen you with anyone since the semester started.”

“Maybe I haven’t seen a lady worth winking at.” Michael asks, and he knows it comes off totally lame.

“Mmm.” Alex holds the building door open, “Come on. Juan Rulfo awaits.”

“Who? Is there a guest lecturer tonight?”

“You really should do the reading before class.” Alex mutters.

**

The minute class is over, Alex looks at his phone. Michael’s picking together his things, thinking through his calendar and when the hell he’s supposed to cram in last week’s reading and this week’s assignment. Alex lets out a snort, making Michael look over. Alex is typing something into his phone as he chuckles to himself.

“Care to share?” Michael prompts. 

“Huh?” Alex looks up, “Oh, it’s nothing. You on for pizza?”

“Try to stop me.” Michael winks, hoping it comes out playful, not pathetic. It must because Alex laughs, standing up and putting his notebook in his backpack.

On the way to the pizza joint, Alex’s phone beeps. He looks like he wants to check it, but holds himself back. 

“Is it, uhm, that guy?” Michael asks. “Mason?”

“Marty.” Alex corrects him. “And, uhm, yeah. Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Michael hopes he comes across calm and collected, because he sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. 

They walk in silence for a while, Michael staring at the ground but he can see Alex tapping his fingers against his leg in his peripheral vision. He knows why he is awkward around Alex, but he doesn’t know why Alex doesn’t want to bring up Marty. 

“So, uh, is he your boyfriend?” Michael could shoot himself in the foot with how suave he’s being.

“No.” Alex says quickly. “Nothing like that. We’re just, dating. Nothing serious.”

“You don’t have to hide him from me.” Michael assures him.

Alex stops in the middle of the walkway, ignoring the few people walking past. “I guess I just, you know, have these reflexes. I keep thinking my dad will see. But he’s not here.” Alex shakes his head, “Do you know how scared I feel sometimes, at all this freedom? You know why I’m dating him? Because I can. My dad’s not here to beat me up because I held hands with a boy. I always liked to act so tough, like he couldn’t stop me from being gay, but there were so many things I didn’t do because of him. Wearing makeup, sure he hated it, but it was just me. I never put anyone else in danger.” He stops, looks at Michael with an undecipherable look, “Came close once, but.” He shrugs, “Anyway, I can hold Marty’s hand and dance with him and kiss him, and he’s nice but really? I’m doing it because I can. And sometimes I forget that and my old habits return and though I’m so proud of going for it, I still hide it.”

Michael was not prepared for that speech, and feels like a deer caught in the headlights. He must look it too, because Alex just starts walking again.

“Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me neither.” Alex mutters.

“Alex, wait.” Michael hurries up, grabs Alex’s shoulder. He runs past him, makes Alex stop. He still has his hand on Alex’s shoulder. He tries to think of something encouraging to say, something that tells Alex that he is brave, and that he is a much stronger person than Michael could ever be. But he’s obviously taking too long because Alex’s eyes turn from hopeful to despondent. Michael can’t have that, so he pulls Alex in, puts his arms around him. He feels out of his depth and through his own scared eyes he can see the branches on the trees closest them shake more than they naturally should.

Alex is stiff in his arms, and it feels like a disaster. Then he feels something at his back and Alex is shifting. Suddenly Michael realizes he’s being hugged back. It feels amazing, and he’s pretty sure he has the dumbest smile on his face. Other than Max and Isobel, no one’s ever really hugged him. A few girls when they’ve fooled around, a few classmates in high school at graduation. Nothing like this, not Michael offering support and being thanked for it. 

Alex has a backpack on, and it makes the hug weird. Michael remedies it by moving one hand down to Alex’s waist. The motion makes Alex turn his head, a small puff of breath crossing over Michael’s neck. The branches on the nearest tree all snap in a loud wooden explosion, making the two of them part, staring up at the carnage. 

“The fuck?” Alex asks.

“Yeah, that’s weird.” Michael says nervously, looking around them. There’s like five other people there, and they’re all staring at the tree. No one is looking at Michael, but he doesn’t want to linger. “Come on, I want that pizza.”

**

Marty’s the one to break things off with Alex, but he doesn’t seem too upset about it. Conrad is pretty much never in his and Alex’s room, so Michael spends time there playing video games with Alex and occasionally writing essays on the Mexican revolutionist period literature. He and Alex read each other’s work, and Alex has a lot more comments on Michael’s than the other way around. Alex doesn’t talk much about his romantic life, but he’s found a group of friends in the campus LGBT group and they go out sometimes. Michael doesn’t ask about it, because he doesn’t want to intrude. He also doesn’t want to rock the boat on the friendship they’ve built. He maybe still wants to kiss Alex, but he wants to be his friend more than that. Besides, losing control over his telekinesis like he has two times already only proves that he’s not ready for any type of relationship. 

He understands what Alex said about finally being somewhere he doesn’t have to hide, but still doing it out of habit. Michael’s used to never showing pain when he hurts himself, because someone might tell him to seek medical help, and he can’t use his powers to help move heavy things or stop things from falling even though sometimes it would be very, very useful and stop others from hurting. He still has to hide those things about himself, but he doesn’t have that prickling sensation of being followed that he had when he lived in Roswell. There were only so many times he could catch sight of black suited men casually reading the newspaper around him before the paranoia reared its head. 

That feeling has disappeared in Albuquerque. He no longer feels like he has to watch the rearview mirror for cars that might follow him, or hide how smart he really is in class. They talked about building rocket ships last week in a seminar, and Michael hogged the professor’s time for almost all of it, debating propulsion systems and plausible velocities from Alpha Centuari to Earth. He hadn’t remembered why he shouldn’t do that until Max had yelled at him in a Skype call as he relayed the information he’d retained. 

While Alex has the LGBT club, Michael doesn’t have anyone but his siblings, who are still in Roswell. Max had meant to go to New York to study, but Isobel’s blackouts have been getting worse and he’s put off enrolling until the spring semester. Michael has so far been told to stay at UNM and that a visit might only worsen things, so he follows Max’s orders like usual. 

One thing he definitely keeps on hiding is his acetone stash. It’s actually gotten trickier since he has to share a room, and that room doesn’t have any great hiding spots. He’s been reduced to keeping nail polish remover in his closet and hoping Jermaine will buy an excuse involving Alex and couponing if he ever spots the bottles. The acetone situation also means that people think he has excellent alcohol tolerance, which is true, since he doesn’t get as wasted as the others at parties. 

Michael likes the college party scene alright, prefers the parties at different dorms over the Greek houses. The best bashes are the random birthday parties that spill into corridors seemingly every weekend. He didn’t completely lie when he told Alex he hadn’t seen any women worth making a move on. He hasn’t exactly made an effort with women or men since meeting Alex again, hasn’t felt like he wants to. But that’s not to say he’s turned down girls that have wanted to make out with him at parties, and has had sex twice. Neither moment was memorable though, and he never got their number. 

The shared lounge at the dorms usually have someone in them, and it’s inevitable that the conversation turn to who’s dating whom, and who wants to date whom. Michael usually joins in the ribbing of other students but offers no details himself. 

“Come on, Mike, I caught you looking at Kirk Harper yesterday.” Agnes says coyly one night. 

“What?” Michael laughs, “You need to get your eyes checked.”

“You know we approve of that man-on-man loving ‘round here, tell him, Alex!”

Michael whips his head around, he hadn’t known Alex had joined them. How could he not have known? He’s been looking towards his door every five minutes. 

Alex’s eyes feel piercing and calculating but he’s all smiles as he sits down next to Agnes, “Doesn’t mean Guerin’s into it.”

“I didn’t say that.” Michael mutters.

Alex narrows his eyes at Michael, and Michael can’t believe he said that in front of everybody. He has been hoping to clarify a few things to Alex, but he doesn’t want an audience for it.

“Ooh, interesting.” Agnes leans forward, but Michael is saved from further questioning when a group of frat boys show up with flyers for a party. 

There’s a medical drama on TV, but Michael isn’t really following along. He’s hyperaware of Alex’s eyes on him still, and he feels caged. He can feel the tension building behind his frontal lobe and decides to call it a night before he breaks something with his brain again. 

“I’mma get some reading done before bed, so, g’night.” Michael says, getting up. He tries not to feel self-conscious as he moves, but every step feels awkward as he’s certain Alex is watching. Should he act normal or try for something else? And what does ‘something else’ entail? Shake his booty? Give Alex a little nod over his shoulder? He’s at the door to his room in less than a minute which saves him from making a decision. 

The walls are surprisingly soundproof and the minute he has the door closed, the talk from outside is a hushed murmur. He sighs, resting against the door. He doesn’t know where Jermaine is but hopes he doesn’t show up until after Michael’s asleep, because Michael isn’t sure he won’t confide in him. He still gets on great with Jermaine but they’ve not really delved into families and relationships and such yet, and Michael isn’t sure where to start, or how Jermaine will react to rooming with a bisexual. 

He’s reading his Juan Rulfo with a Spanish dictionary next to him when there’s a knock on the door. 

“Yeah.” Michael calls out, using his telekinesis to rattle the door just a little to make it clear that it’s open.

“Hi.” Alex says, giving the door a weird look as he opens it. “Oh, you really were going to read, sorry.”

Alex isn’t wearing any makeup tonight, but the nose ring is there and it’s very distracting. His hair is down again, and it looks soft to touch. Michael motions for Alex to come inside, and the other man does, resting against the back of door as he closes it. 

“Just getting caught up. I think Mexican Lit might be my toughest class this semester.”

Alex snorts, looks around the room. “Thanksgiving is coming up. Are you going home to Roswell for it?” 

“This year I am thankful for getting the fuck out of Roswell.” Michael deadpans.

Alex laughs, and he looks so happy when he does it. “Preachin’ to the choir.”

“Foster kid, remember? Don’t have a family to go home too.” Michael says matter-of-factly. He watches Alex come closer, sitting down on the edge of his bed. There’s a buzz in the air, or at least Michael feels like it is. Alex has a blue Henley on that’s a little too big, giving him a softer edge than most of his other clothes. “What about you? Big Manes family get-together?”

“Thankfully no. Dad isn’t in the country so I’m off the hook this year. Gonna stay here and work on my composition, my professor had like a million problems with it.” Alex scratches behind his ear, something he seems to do unconsciously sometimes.

“I guess we’ll do Thanksgiving together here then.” Michael says, and it feels monumental, like a holiday could for the first time be important and spent with someone he likes and not someone who treats him like a burden. 

Alex smiles, something pleased and shy about it. He reaches out to pet Michael’s ankle where it’s resting on the mattress. “Guess so. Anyway, I’m gonna hit the sack. I’ll see you.”

“Yeah.” Michael says. He’s still just a teenager, and he’s scared shitless but he’s scared of other things than he was half a year ago in Roswell. “Hey, Alex?”

“Yeah?” Alex pauses at the door, and the light of Michael’s study lamp hits him just so, making Michael’s stomach flutter. “I was looking at Kirk Harper today.”

“You were?” Alex frowns.

“Yeah, uh, he was wearing eyeliner and… He’s not as good at putting it on as you are.”

The laughter rips out of Alex with an ugly snort, and he blushes and it’s so cute that Michael wants to rush over there and kiss him stupid. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Alex winks and heads out. 

Michael looks after him for minute, uses his powers to lock the door and then texts Jermaine to stay out for at least another half an hour. Jermaine sends him a disgusted emoji but also a thumbs-up, so Michael jerks off just the way he likes and thinks about Alex’s flushed face the whole time.

**

Campus starts being drained of students the weekend before Thanksgiving and more and more people disappear in the days leading up to it. Michael and Alex both have classes to attend the day before Thanksgiving, but for Mexican Lit they’re given an unusual reprieve, their professor telling the class she doesn’t think they’ll do the work she’ll assign them anyway. 

On Thanksgiving Day, Michael knocks on Alex’s door mid-morning. Jermaine’s gone home for the weekend, but Alex’s room is bigger so it feels natural to take his books there and study with Alex.

Alex opens the door looking sleep-rumpled and adorable. He also looks hot as fuck because he isn’t wearing a shirt and once again, Michael notes that he has a lot more muscle than one would think. 

“Conrad not here?” Michael asks, taking Alex’s silence for the morning grumpiness it is. 

“Haven’t seen him in weeks. Jermaine said he saw him drag a duffle downstairs yesterday, but who knows?” Alex’s roommate has become somewhat of a mystery to the people living in the surrounding rooms. He’s almost never at the dorm and no one has any classes with him. 

Michael clears some things away from Conrad’s desk, replaces it with his books. “Can I use your laptop?”

“Sure.” Alex gestures at Michael to help himself. It’s not the first time Alex has let Michael use his laptop for coursework. Both Alex and Michael’s usernames are saved on the login pages to the university’s online network. 

Michael powers up the laptop and takes out his notes. He’s better at scribbling and drawing on paper, but some of his theories and ideas have to be double-checked by computer calculations. When he doesn’t hear Alex move around he looks over and sees that he’s gone back to bed and pulled the covers up. “When did you get to bed anyway?”

“Don’t talk. Need sleep.”

Michael laughs, “Sure thing. You need your beauty sleep after all.”

“I think that was an insult on my looks, so fuck you and also be quiet.”

There’s a huge smile splitting Michael’s face in two, so he’s very pleased Alex has his back turned. He starts on his Engineering in Practice assignment and leaves Alex alone. 

It’s only about thirty minutes later when Alex groans and gets out of bed. Michael glances over and feels like a creep as he takes in Alex’s still naked torso, especially as he stretches himself awake. Alex has a water boiler in the room and he puts it on before heading to the bathroom with a towel over his shoulder and a change of clothes. 

When he returns he’s much more awake and also much more dressed. Michael tries not to be disappointed. 

“Sorry about before, I was up ‘til four trying to get the bridge right.” Alex explains.

“The bridge?” Michael asks. 

Alex busies himself pouring hot water into two cups, “In my composition. We’re supposed to write one song five minutes long that has at least two verses and two choruses and one bridge. It’s kinda weird, but I guess he wants us to think about time in music or something.”

“Thanks.” Michael says when Alex hands him a cup of green lemon tea. “I haven’t heard you play anything.”

Alex sits down at his own desk, but turns the chair towards Michael, “I only have the guitar here, all the other instruments are at the music studio. I told you I’m taking piano lessons, right? Almost everyone else already plays, I feel like such a loser.”

“I’m sure you’re not. You’re gonna kick that song’s ass.” Michael says.

Alex snorts, “I appreciate the support.”

“You should play it for me though.”

Alex stares down into his tea. “Yeah. Maybe.” 

Michael doesn’t know what he did wrong, but Alex won’t look at him, and it’s obvious the banter is over for now. He thinks of something to say or do to make Alex laugh again, but then Alex is reaching for his composition textbook and the opportunity has passed. 

They work side by side for hours, until Alex’s stomach growls. They make lunch in the shared kitchenette, spaghetti with tomato sauce. A few other students pass through and they all act like it’s no big deal to be stuck at university for a holiday, when most probably think it’s awful. Michael can’t remember having experienced a better Thanksgiving ever. He’s with a friend, eating himself full and doing something productive. 

The productive part of the day lasts until late afternoon when Alex breaks out the gummy worms. They’ve been studying pretty quietly next to each other all day, asking each other about tiny things or bringing up the messages coming from their classmates to various group chats. Michael gets lost in numbers and data, excited at doing work that helps him see the pattern that may help him put a spacecraft together.

A gummy worm ends up being tossed onto his notebook, and he looks up.

“I’ve offered them, like, three times already. You were in your zone.”

“My zone?”

Alex grins at him, “Yeah, when you get all wrapped up in your drawings of whatever vehicle you’re building over there. I can never understand your schematics.”

Michael tries to keep the panic off his face. This is why he can’t have Alex. Because Alex is smart and perceptive and he notices things about Michael. He needs to be better at spreading out his work, at not keeping it all in the same notebooks. If Alex can figure out Michael is working on a vehicle, the FBI sure as hell can.

“That’s because you’re just a music student, and not a master engineer such as myself.” Michael says. 

Alex shakes his head, “You are not even half as charming as you think you are.”

“Oh?” Michael raises an eyebrow, knowing exactly what he’s doing. The sudden redness of Alex’s cheeks says it’s working. 

“Eat your gummy worm.” Alex points at the candy.

Eating one takes no time and Michael asks for another. Pretty soon they’re lobbing sweets at each other and using textbooks as shields. 

“It’s Thursday, wanna go for pizza?” Alex asks.

“Yeah, we should probably get outside for a bit.” Michael agrees.

They bundle up because it is getting colder, Alex hiding his longer hair in a beanie. Michael’s hair is a mess as usual but it keeps his head warm enough as it is. 

Their usual Thursday spot is closed because of the holiday so they take Michael’s truck and drive east into the city until they find a place that’s open. It’s a restaurant that’s fancier inside than outside but they’re both starving so they decide to sit down to eat even if they’re underdressed.

“It always felt weird, you know, celebrating Thanksgiving when I’m part Navajo.” Alex says as they’re waiting for their meals. “I think that’s why dad did it. Wanted to take out revenge on mom for leaving us. I can’t remember us doing anything special for it when she was around.”

Michael has no idea what to say, so he just nods.

“I don’t think he cared one bit about her ethnicity until she left. Then he hated it. Hated us for looking like her. Hated me for daring to rebel like she did. Every time I did something against his will he’d accuse me of being just like my mom. And I’d think ‘thank god for that, thank god I’m nothing like you’ but I never said it because he’d just kick me again. Then I’d think, ‘how can I be happy to be like someone who left her family?’.”

Michael closes his eyes, breathes deep to keep his control. 

“Sorry, you don’t wanna hear about growing up Manes.” 

“No, that’s not it at all.” Michael says, opening his eyes. Alex looks upset. Michael wants to offer support so he returns to what worked earlier that fall. He glances over to see if anyone’s watching before placing his hand on top of Alex’s. “Navajo?”

“That’s what dad said.” Alex shrugs. “Landon, my oldest brother, he says it’s true, that she took him to the reservation a few times, that he met my grandparents. I know I’ve met them too but I was so young, I don’t remember it. I have pictures though.”

“That sucks.” 

“Yeah.” Alex exhales loudly. “It does.”

Michael sees their waiter approach and takes his hand back. Thursday equals pizza and Michael’s gone for the spicy jalapeño while Alex went for spinach and ham. Eating distracts them from eating but about a quarter through his pizza, Michael clears his throat.

“I, uhm.” Michael fiddles nervously with the straw in his coke. “Just wanted to say that while it sucks, you know, with your mom and all that, at least you knew her once. I think that beats not knowing anything, or anyone from your family.”

“Oh my god, Michael, I’m so sorry.” Alex says in a rush. 

“No, it’s fine, I mean I’m used to it and I have Isobel and Max, but there have been times all I wanted was for my family to suddenly realize they’d left me here and take me home.”

Alex is the one to place his hand on Michael’s now. His eyes are so warm and caring, and he looks like he’s actually listening to what Michael is saying. That’s still something that’s hard for Michael to get used to. No one in Roswell ever paid that kind of attention to him, barely even his siblings. 

“So yeah.” Michael raises an eyebrow and makes a face.

“What’s the deal with the three of you anyway? You came out of the desert all mute together, but you weren’t adopted together. Like, are you related somehow or?”

Michael really hates that Alex is asking because it means he has to lie to him, but on the other hand, it’s a pretty basic question once you know Michael’s backstory and Alex hasn’t pressed for details in the months since they’ve become friends.

“I was… a handful at the group home. The Evans’ were looking for one kid to adopt, but ended up with the two of them because Isobel refused to leave Max’s side. They refused to leave my side too, until eventually I made them.” Michael shrugs. He doesn’t remember everything, but he remembers telling them in his own way that they had to stay safe and two out of three still being together was good. “Then I was too old to be attractive to adopting couples and I got sent through a couple of foster homes.”

“But have you done tests to prove your parentage or something, to see if you’re family?”

Michael shakes his head, “Isobel says we don’t need to. That I’m their brother no matter what.” Michael smiles, “They suck sometimes, but they’re the closest thing to family I have.”

“Guerin’s a Spanish name, you think you are?”

“I don’t know, I stopped thinking about things like that a long time ago.” Michael says, but he really wants to scream, ‘I’m not even human, who cares about my name?!’. 

“This pizza’s pretty good.” Alex says, apparently getting that Michael is done talking for the moment.

“Yeah.” 

They go for a drive afterward, the streets empty of traffic as people enjoy the warmth of their houses. Michael’s barely used his truck since starting college and they take the opportunity to drive around the city without ending up in traffic jams. They see several places they want to return too, like clubs and restaurants, but also music shops and the nuclear science museum. 

“You are such a nerdy genius engineer, oh my god, I can’t believe it.” Alex laughs. “I can’t believe I thought you were the dark and mysterious type in high school.”

“I’m mysterious!” Michael argues. 

“Maybe you were in Roswell, with all that truancy and no fixed address, but here man, your true colors are coming out.”

Michael signals a left turn, “I don’t think I ever thanked you, for letting me sleep in the shed. So, thank you.”

Alex flips his thumb back and forth over the inner seam of his jeans. “No problem. Like I said, it’s where I went when things got to be too much in the house. You could’ve stayed longer than you did.”

“Yeah, I, uh, found something else. I should’ve told you though, not just disappeared. I’m sorry.” Michael rolls the car into the parking lot, finding a spot close to their building. 

“I thought maybe you were trying to tell me something. ‘Cos of that… last time we saw each other.” Alex says it so quietly that Michael barely hears it.

“I wasn’t. I, uh, was trying to tell myself something. I guess I wasn’t ready to listen.” Michael’s heart is beating like crazy. This is the most vulnerable he’s ever let anyone see him. He only dares to be honest because Alex has to be referring to the kiss that never was, has to be confirming that he’d wanted to kiss Michael that night.

Alex keeps biting his lip. Neither of them speak. Eventually Alex sighs and unbuckles his seatbelt. He jumps out of the truck and Michael feels like he fucked up.

**

Back at the dorms Michael doesn’t know what to do. It’s not that late and going to his room feels like fleeing with his tail between his legs. But asking for more time with Alex feels awkward after the conversation in the car.

“I was thinking that if you wanted me to, I could play you the song I wrote.” Alex says in the elevator up. His skin looks pretty even in the awful elevator lighting.

“Really? Yeah, that’d be awesome.” Michael beams, suddenly happy again. Being around Alex makes his head spin and exhausts his emotional spectrum but every doubt is worth the thrill Michael feels when Alex seeks him out to spend time together.

A little smile plays along Alex’s face. He isn’t wearing any makeup or jewelry and his hair is free from products. Michael can even see the little line where his lighter roots are showing in his hair. It’s possible Michael has a bona fide crush because he thinks Alex has never looked better.

It’s quiet in the corridor, completely empty of people. Michael and Alex walk side by side, shoulders brushing. When Michael glances over, he catches Alex doing the same. They both giggle nervously and look away. 

They end up on Alex’s bed. Alex has his guitar out, and he plays a few chords to make sure it’s tuned. Michael watches his fingers as they slide and press on the strings. 

“So, like, it’s not done yet, so you can’t judge on this alone.” Alex says, scratching at his neck. 

“Don’t worry, Alex, just play. I’m sure I’ll like it.”

“Okay. But still, don’t…” Alex does some aborted motion with his left hand that’s probably meant to mean something but Michael just glares at him to start already.

It takes a few tries before Alex finds the chords, and Michael can tell it’s because of nerves. He said he hadn’t played for anyone but his professor yet, so it’s only reasonable to be nervous. He looks calmer with every chord played, as the melody progresses and the tempo quickens. After a minute or two, Alex begins to hum, his eyes closed. Michael can’t help it, he edges closer from where he’s been at the edge of the bed. The only light in the room is coming in from the windows and Alex’s bed lamp. With the door closed it feels like they’re the only two people in the universe, like they’re two stars with passing trajectories just waiting for that moment they’ll veer off course and meet in a fiery explosion. 

The melody is fast, until what most be the bridge where it slows down. Michael likes it, but most of all he likes that Alex gets to do what he wants to, and looks so serene while doing it. He’s like an indie-boy dream, all vulnerable and open, using his music to forget his shitty life. Michael can completely relate. 

“So?” 

Michael can’t stop looking at Alex, the way he’s biting his lip, looking so hopeful but worried. He wishes so bad he could kiss that look away. Then Alex is putting the guitar next to him on the bed, and he’s shifting closer so his folded leg rests against Michael’s thigh. Michael feels the panic rise inside of him, his eyes are stuck on Alex’s mouth and his dick twitches when Alex peeks his tongue out to wet his lips. The water boiler starts shaking on the windowsill and Michael stands up.

Alex is staring at him with wide eyes and Michael knows he’s hurting him, knows he’s ruining everything, but that goddamn water boiler turned on without anyone being near it and Michael has to get out of there.

“I’m sorry, I – I have to go.” Michael’s heart is thundering in his chest as he dashes for his own room. Once there he sits down on the floor, and tries to remember how to breathe.

He’s such a shithead. He left Alex, again. This time he can’t pretend like he didn’t know what was happening, can’t act like nothing’s going on. Has he been sending signals? Is it that obvious that he wants Alex’s kiss and touch, that it’s all he can think about? Has Alex been watching him like Michael’s been watching Alex? What does Alex see when he looks at Michael? 

Fuck, he’s ruined everything. Alex will never want to be his friend now, probably won’t ever talk to him again. People will notice and side with Alex even if Alex won’t ever tell them what really happened, and Michael will lose all his new friends and the feeling of freedom and choice he’s finally experienced. Because of what, a water boiler rattling? Alex didn’t even notice, Michael hardly did. 

Michael fights back tears. He can’t believe he’s crying over a boy before he even got to kiss him. Life is so fucking unfair. Just when things were looking up for Michael, he’s presented with Alex fucking Manes and all that hard work of being careful and hiding in plain sight, all comes crumbling down. 

He wonders what Alex is doing. If he’s on the edge of crying too. It’d make sense, Alex is the one that was brave enough to make a move, twice now. He’s been shot down both times, and it must be worse now that he knows Michael doesn’t have a problem kissing guys. Alex must think it’s him that’s the problem, that Michael doesn’t want him. Michael is just another person who acts like they care for Alex and then walks away.

Michael gets up abruptly, throwing the door open. _No_, he can’t do that to Alex, can’t let him think he’s not worth the sun and the moon, isn’t worth love and happiness and good people in his life.

Alex flies up from his bed when Michael comes barging into his room, doesn’t even get a question out before Michael’s kissing him, strong and determined. Michael gets one hand up Alex’s neck and into his hair, and he sighs from how nice it feels. Alex sways from the onslaught, puts his hands on Michael’s waist to keep steady. After the shock is over, he kisses back, lips warm and slick against Michael’s. It’s like time has stopped, the two of them lost in each other’s mouths. Michael keeps caressing Alex’s hair, uses his hold to guide Alex’s head a little to the side to get a better angle as they kiss and nip at each other’s lips. Alex’s hand in Michael’s hair feels even better, getting tangled up in his messy curls and tightening around the strands. 

“Fuck,” Michael breathes out between kisses, but Alex hauls him back in, runs his tongue over Michael’s lower lip and Michael opens for him immediately. He can distantly hear something thud against the floor, but he doesn’t even care anymore, all he cares about is Alex’s mouth and his hands, and the way he keeps pressing his body close to Michael’s. 

“I’m sorry.” Michael says when Alex moves to scatter kisses on Michael’s neck again. “I freaked. I want you so bad, and I just freaked.”

“You gonna do it again?” Alex asks, voice shot to hell.

“No.” Michael tugs at Alex’s hair, makes him meet his eyes. “I promise.”

Alex searches his eyes for something, dark pupils staring into Michael’s gaze. “Okay.”

Michael’s head is spinning and if thought he’d known happiness before, he’s sorely mistaken. Happiness is Alex Manes kissing him and touching him, getting his hands under Michael’s shirt to set fire to Michael’s skin. He’s back to trailing kisses on Michael’s neck and collarbone and Michael just wants more. He pulls on the hem of his shirt and then Alex is helping him taking it off. They pause for a brief moment, and Michael is surprised to see his nerves reflected back at him in Alex’s eyes. 

“You ever done this before?” Alex asks. 

“Yeah.” Michael says, “But not like, with a guy.” 

They both giggle nervously and Alex is fucking adorable like this. Michael puts his hands on Alex’s shoulders, rubs at his collarbones. “And not with someone I like as much as I like you.”

Alex lights up at the words, his smile uninhibited and radiant. He grabs at Michael’s sides and pulls him in for another breathtaking kiss. 

“Take this off.” Michael murmurs, barely pulling on Alex’s t-shirt before Alex has ripped it off himself. “Where did you get that six-pack? You’re only 18. You’re gonna give me a complex.” 

Alex laughs, “Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.” 

They end up on the bed, Alex on top of Michael. He’s got his hands on Michael’s stomach, running them up and down. The motion makes Michael’s dick take note. Alex leans down, but instead of kissing Michael’s mouth, he goes to his collarbone and then moves further south.

“Fuck, Alex.” Michael groans, letting his legs fall apart. He snags one of Alex’s hands and moves it up so he can lick at Alex’s wrist, needing to touch him somehow, show him the effect he has on Michael. 

Alex moves back up, whispers hotly into Michael’s ear, “Can I take your jeans off?”

“Only if I can take yours.” Michael says back, stealing a few kisses.

Alex bites his lip in that way he has that makes him look like an innocent boy, but his hair is sticking up more ways than when he styles it, and his chest is flushed. There is nothing innocent about him at all. 

It’s easier for them to undress themselves and there’s still a lot of awkward giggling as they lose more layers of clothes. Alex is already barefoot, but Michael has to roll off his socks because it feels stupid to keep them on. Alex waits patiently on his side, hand stroking his own hip up and down. When Michael is finally down to his briefs, he rolls on his side too, facing Alex. 

“Hi.” Alex somehow manages to make that one simple word suggestive. 

Michael hasn’t giggled this much in an eternity, but being around Alex makes him nervous and delirious with excitement. He glances down at Alex’s crotch. He can see the bulge in Alex’s briefs. 

“Hey,” Alex takes his hand, “only if you want to, okay?”

“Oh, I want to.” Michael says, because he’s never been more sure of anything. He leans in for a kiss, and is rewarded with a toe-curling effort from Alex that makes him moan and lose his sense of time. 

Alex shuffles awkwardly on the bed until their flushed bodies are pressed against each other. Alex flings a leg over Michael’s hip, and rocks up. Michael groans, his head falling back. Alex does it again, a hand on Michael’s ass making it even better. Michael meets Alex’s eyes, and can’t get over how intense and wild they are. Alex is looking back at him like he wants to devour him, like Michael messes with his head the same way Alex does with his. Michael starts bucking his hips back, kissing at Alex’s shoulders. 

“Oh fuck, Michael… You’re so hot. So fucking…” Alex grunts, working his hips faster. “I gotta, can I…” he trails one hand down the waistband of Michael’s briefs. 

“God yes.” Michael’s erection goes rock hard the instant Alex touches him. “Oh fuck Alex, please.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Alex sucks on Michael’s lower lip, uses the distraction to guide Michael onto his back.

Alex stroking him and kissing him is the best sex Michael has ever had. Being the center of all his attention, the focus of hot gazes and wandering touches, is so much more than Michael ever thought it could be like with someone. If he’s this desperate from just a handjob, he’s doesn’t dare think what’ll happen when he fucks Alex.

“Come on, you too.” Michael insists, and spits into his palm before reaching for Alex’s cock. Alex gets their briefs pushed down their butts, allowing them both better access. Stroking someone else’s dick doesn’t feel all that strange, especially not when Alex whines and moans on top of him. They are not coordinated at all, hips moving of their own accord and hands bumping into one another ruining any rhythm. It’s still amazing, and Michael comes way sooner than he wants too. 

“Sorry.” Michael says as his dick’s still trembling in Alex’s grip. 

Alex laughs, “You really, really shouldn’t be. Come on, make me come.”

Michael accepts that challenge, finally flipping them over so that Alex is on his back. Alex looks up at him in stunned surprise, then a wicked smirk appears on his face, “Gonna show me who’s in charge?”

All Michael really has time to do is paw at Alex’s ass and jerk him a few times before Alex’s jizz spurts out over Michael’s hand. It’s about as nasty and sticky as Michael thought it would be, but he finds he doesn’t mind it too much. Maybe that’s because Alex pulls him up and kisses him long and sweet. 

** 

Once they’ve cleaned up they end up side by side on the bed. As fun and amazing as the last half hour was, Michael knows they should talk too and that won’t be nearly as much fun. 

Alex lets him off the hook for a long time, just running his hands over Michael’s arms and chest with what feels like no plan in mind. Michael’s not used to people just wanting to spend time with him doing nothing, just letting whatever happens happen. There are so many things that Alex does to him, and with him, that takes Michael by surprise.

“You’re not like everyone else.” Michael says finally, when Alex has been playing with his hair for a couple of minutes. 

Alex raises an eyebrow, “Which is a good thing, right?”

“Definitely.” Michael says. “I mean like, you treat me like no one else ever has.”

Alex stops fiddling with Michael’s curls, but his hand still feels tender where it’s cradling Michael’s head, “Is that why you freaked out?”

Michael swallows. He really needs to get the next few minutes right.

“I didn’t think you were coming back.” Alex whispers, glancing down between them.

Michael turns his head so he can press a kiss to Alex’s wrist. “I was in my room, and I realized you might feel just as shit as I was about me running out of here. And I couldn’t stand it, thinking I might’ve hurt you. Again.”

Alex looks sad, like he might be reliving whatever emotions he was experiencing an hour ago. “I played you my song. I thought it was pretty clear what was going to happen. You panicking wasn’t part of the plan.”

Michael snorts, “Trust me, it wasn’t for me neither.”

“So what was it? Was the song that bad?”

“No, no the melody’s good, needs lyrics but–” Michael grins when Alex playfully punches his shoulder, “I’ve always had to hide a part of me. Not just in my foster homes, but like, to the world. And I guess the thought of not hiding it with you makes me… Remember how you said you kept hiding things like your dad was here, even though the whole point of being here is that he can’t control you? Yeah, I guess it’s like that.”

Alex looks so fucking understanding, and so fucking caring, that it hurts that Michael can’t tell him he’s talking about being an alien and not about being bisexual. 

“I get that. Just kinda sucked because I thought when you ignored me after I tried to kiss you in the shed, it was because I was a guy, but now you’ve been saying things that made me think it wasn’t that.” Alex says, back to caressing Michael’s bicep.

Michael snorts, “I am definitely bisexual. Like, I’ve known for a while, but you’re the reason I know for sure. I think I’ve been trying to tell you for a while, but words aren’t my thing.”

“I don’t know, I think you’re doing okay so far.”

“I’m tired, it’s harder to be the quiet, mysterious type then.”

Alex snorts, “Nope, still not mysterious.”

“I’m totally mysterious! You have no clue what secrets I’m hiding.” 

“Well, I think I’ll figure a few of them out.” Alex gives him a devilish grin that’s all the warning Michael gets before they’re rolled over and Michael is on top of Alex. 

Alex’s hands on his ass are definitely, definitely something that Michael will not get over.

**

The next two days are spent making out and rubbing each other off. They get absolutely no studying done, because in the few breaks where they aren’t touching each other, they’re either eating or watching something on the TV they have all to themselves. Alex’s paranoia is the only thing that keeps them from getting their dicks out on the sofa in the community lounge but he does let Michael rub him off through his underwear once. Alex’s stuttered orgasm and wild eyes make Michael feel very proud and smug. But then Alex blows him for the first time back in his room and then it’s Alex’s turn to be proud and smug. 

The more they touch each other, the more Michael gets practice at keeping his telekinesis under control, and by the end of day two he’s got it pretty much under wraps. A few books have fallen to the floor, a lamp or two have hovered and he’s used it to float lube over but Alex never mentions anything being out of place in his room so Michael’s in the clear so far. There was the thing when all of Michael’s shirts fell off the hangers in his closet, but Alex just laughed at that one when he saw it and told Michael to buy better quality shirts. 

“So, tomorrow,” Alex starts, “people are gonna be coming back.”

Michael grins at him, puts his chin on Alex’s shoulder, “Are you asking whether or not I’m gonna be your boyfriend in front of them?”

“Are you?” Alex holds his gaze, but there are little ticks around his eyes that show how nervous he is.

“It’d be pretty shitty of me if I wasn’t.” Michael says, but that doesn’t seem to calm Alex down, so he places a kiss on his cheek, “I will if you will.”

“Okay. Cool.” 

Michael hides his smile in Alex’s shoulder. It’s so cute how Alex thinks Michael can’t tell how happy he is, how the word boyfriend made him all gooey. Michael lets him hold his hand all the way through _Transformers_, well, until he gets bored and starts kissing Alex’s neck. No one can expect him to make it through a movie that revolves around aliens as cars. 

**

Michael’s never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Having one is surprisingly easy. Jermaine says that’s because they’re both guys and think with their dicks, and that’s admittedly probably part of the equation. 

But Alex doesn’t get mad when Michael has to spend more time in the engineering lab than he thought, and Michael doesn’t feel neglected when Alex spends every night for a week in the music studio. He spends time with his classmates instead, gets course work done that he won’t do if he’s with Alex, since they only last about five minutes alone together before they’re making out. Alex helps him with their second essay for Mexican Lit. It’s so frighteningly cute and easy that Michael keeps wondering when the other shoe will drop. 

He doesn’t tell Max or Isobel about Alex. None of them have had much experience with relationships since they’ve always been committed to one thing – keeping their secret safe. They’ve sworn to never tell another living soul about where they come from, about the pods and the crash. It hasn’t mattered until the last year or so, when crushes went from silly and cute to actual feelings for him and Max and their powers started going off at inopportune moments. 

Being away from Roswell is also part of why it’s so easy for them. Michael knows he’d be much more tense and wary if he was living in his truck still, and feel like Alex was way more out of his league than he already does. He’d worry about the Manes family ties to the Air Force and worry about not having any cash to take Alex out to the movies. From the sounds of it, Alex would be even worse off, if he dated a guy while living at home. Sometimes Michael shakes from anger when Alex off-handedly mentions the source of a scar or the punishment for not doing his chores. So yeah, them being in their own bubble in Albuquerque is definitely part of why it works. 

Most of the people they share a floor with aren’t surprised to find them dating after Thanksgiving, and some of the people in Michael’s morning classes learn Alex’s name since he walks with Michael whenever he can. 

“Can I borrow your truck?” Alex asks one day. 

“Sure.” Michael doesn’t use his truck half as much as he did in Roswell. 

“I mean like, for the day. On Sunday. I’m gonna visit a Navajo reservation about an hour west of here.”

Michael sits up and focuses on Alex instead of the rapport he’s been working on. “Okay. You want me to come with?”

Alex shakes his head. “Sorry, I just… I would but I want to do it by myself, you know?”

Michael definitely gets that. If there’s one thing he’s always wanted, it’s to know more about his family, it’s something deeply personal and intimate to him. If he ever had the chance to learn more about his family, he doesn’t know if he’d share it with someone until he was ready.

“I could drive you. I don’t mind waiting.” Michael says, because it’s true.

Alex smiles that warm, almost tender smile that he graces Michael with whenever he says something way too sweet for an 18-year-old boy. “Nah. Just, be here when I get back?”

“Definitely.” Michael promises, and is there when Alex comes back and cries quietly.

**

“I’ll be back on the 3rd, do you wanna be in touch then and decide when to work on the Enterprise again?” Jack asks.

The Enterprise is their name for the starship model they started working on together in the lab a month into the semester. Michael has tried to play it very cool, but has posed questions to their professor that should lead them to the science his people must’ve used to pilot their spacecraft. Many years ago Michael found a strange piece of glass in the desert outside of Roswell that is unlike anything he has ever seen before. It changes color when Michael touches it. From that, and old records of power signatures, he has at least the start of a theory. When Jack said he was a Trekker, and it would be cool to do something with space for their project, well, Michael hadn’t said no.

“Uhm, sure.” Michael hums around the screwdriver in his mouth. He’s not sure what Jack’s on about until he realizes it’s almost Christmas. “I’ll be here.”

“Not going home?” Jack asks.

Michael’s told Jack about being a foster kid and not having a home, but he knows what he means. “Nah.”

Jack doesn’t say much, just keeps sorting the boxes of nails he’d pushed over earlier. “What about Alex?”

“What about him?” 

“Is he going home?” 

Michael blinks. “I should probably ask him. Shit, what if I have to get him a present?”

Jack laughs, “You should probably ask, yeah.”

**

“Dad’s making me go home.” Alex says, anger written all over his face. “He’s been calling me, so has Flint and Landon. Colton probably would too if he wasn’t deployed.”

They’re in Alex’s room, naked on the bed. Michael’s getting better at giving head, at least that’s what Alex says, and they’re both getting better at not feeling awkward around each other nude. 

“You’re 18.” Michael points out.

Alex laughs, “Like that matters with my dad. I don’t expect you to understand, but I’ll go down on the 24th and be back on the 27th. We can do our own Christmas then.”

“I really wish you’d stay.” Michael says, putting a firm hand on Alex’s ankle, like that’ll get him to change his mind. “The things you’ve told me about him doesn’t exactly make me feel comfortable letting you go on your own.”

“Trust me, you tagging along would make things a thousand times worse. So, what are you getting me?” 

Michael knows Alex is trying to change the topic, but he has been meaning to bring the whole gift-giving up so he lets Alex off the hook. “What do you want? I can’t get away with giving you sex, can I?”

“Well, I mean, at least that’d be something I like.” Alex smirks, gently patting Michael’s dick. 

“Watch the merchandise.” Michael says, flinching instinctively. “I don’t need you to get me anything, you know.”

Alex pushes at Michael’s shoulder until he lies back on the mattress and crawls on top of him, “See, I have this theory. That no one’s ever bought you a Christmas gift. Maybe Max or Iz has, but no one else, not really.”

Michael swallows hard. Alex is very, very close to the truth. When he was younger his social worker would send him a gift voucher. He thought it was lame then, but kinda gets it now. He wasn’t completely forgotten, even if it felt like it.

“So.” Alex taps on Michael’s nose, “I am going to give you something. And you’re gonna shut up and like it. But it won’t be worth much. I think we could put a ten dollar spending limit, don’t you?”

Michael wants to argue, because ten dollars is nothing. But the further into the semester they’ve gotten, the less money he’s had. Alex has probably noticed how Michael doesn’t buy any drinks from the coffee vendors around campus, how he picks the cheapest meal deal in the cafeteria and hardly ever buys anything for himself. 

“I’ve been thinking about getting a job next semester.” Michael says instead. “I’ll see if any mechanic’s hiring. Sanders’ll probably give me a reference.”

“A job? You sure you have time for that?” 

Michael shrugs a shoulder, “I’ll make it work.” Even though he’d been surprised at first with the workload at college and how much of the reading he actually wanted to do, he is still an alien genius and apparently reads and remembers most of the books faster than his human classmates. He’s not going to start telling people that though, right now he’s playing the part of some who’s smarter than most but not scary smart. He doesn’t want Alex to feel weird about it. Not that Alex would, because Alex is constantly writing down chords and lyrics that he won’t show Michael. Alex’s talent is different than Michael’s, something much more ethereal. 

**

Alex and Michael say goodbye in a parking lot around noon on Christmas Eve because Michael likes being a good boyfriend and offered Alex his truck for the trip, meaning Alex saves both time and money. Michael doesn’t need it since he’s just going hole up in his room experimenting with that alien piece of glass anyway. Unless Alex gives him reason not to.

“You could still change your mind.” Michael says, hands clasped together behind Alex’s neck. Alex’s hair is longer again, which Michael kinda likes. He thinks the length of Alex’s hair is a ‘fuck you’ to his dad, but other than that he’s just wearing a black ring on his thumb and a leather bracelet. 

“Please don’t make this harder than it is.” Alex says. He’s been reserved and absent the last few days but was clingy as all hell the previous night. They’re lucky Conrad’s already left for Seattle, because Alex had pleaded with Michael to finger him, something they hadn’t gotten around to before. 

Michael had absolutely been up for it, but also knew it was probably some fucked up way of Alex’s to remember Michael by. They’ve seen each other almost every day for months, and it’s strange to have the real world impose itself on their burgeoning relationship. The holiday break feels like some kind of turning point for them. 

Michael does listen to Alex though, and steps away from where he’s been leaning into Alex in the driver’s seat, miming zipping up his mouth and tossing the key away. Alex rolls his eyes like he always does when Michael’s being ridiculous. 

“I’ll call you, okay?”

“Every day?” Michael asks. 

“Yes, Michael, all three days.” Alex says, like it’ll be super inconvenient.

“Oh, and uhm… If you see Max or Iz, I, uh…”

Alex narrows his eyes at Michael’s hemming and hawing. “You haven’t told them about us.”

“I just can’t spring it on them, okay? I’m gonna, and it’s totally not about you, it’s just, they’re super protective and I want to let them know the right way.”

“Sure.” Alex scratches his neck. “Whatever.”

“Alex, come on.”

“It’s fine.” He finally turns around to sit properly in the truck. “You’ll do it when you’re ready. Look, I gotta go, but I’ll see you in a couple days.”

Michael is certain things are not as fine as Alex claims, and he really shouldn’t have mentioned it minutes before Alex is leaving. Michael runs a hand over his face and takes a deep breath. 

“Fuck.” Alex mutters under his breath. He reaches for Michael’s hand. “Do I get a kiss for Christmas?” 

Michael takes the temporary pardon for what it is and puts his entire Christmas cheer behind the kiss.

**

Michael spends the hours after Alex leaves spilling over textbooks and his and Jack’s theoretical equations, sheets of paper spread all over his room. In the middle of his bed lies the alien piece of… whatever it is, and Michael’s shocked that he’s never seen the small print on it before. He borrowed Alex his truck, and in return Alex let him use his laptop. Michael uses it to search every patent registry he can find for the type of technology currently lying on his bed and comes up with bupkus for it. He hasn’t had the chance to take all that he’s learned that semester and apply it on the only clue he has to where he’s from and he’s excited at the opportunity. He drinks more acetone than he’s done in a long while because he doesn’t have to worry about his mouth tasting weird to Alex, and a decent amount of acetone keeps him focused. 

Alex sends a text when he gets to Roswell, and another when he’s in the Manes house. He even calls for a quick chat late on Christmas Eve. Michael gets another text on early on Christmas morning, just a ‘_merry xmas babe_’ and feels himself blush reading it. They don’t really use any nicknames or endearments, especially not outside of bed. He sends back a ‘_you too darlin, xxx_’ and his stomach clenches like it’s the first time he’s talking to Alex at all, and not like they see each other daily. 

He doesn’t stop to eat all day, or to do any kind of personal hygiene effort. It’s kinda comforting regressing to the scrubby guy he was back before college, before Alex made him want to look and smell nice. There’s no one else staying on the floor over Christmas, but he knows a couple of students from Asia are also sticking around on the floor above him. That means he keeps the door closed and locked so that no one catches a glimpse of what he’s working on. The secret doesn’t feel as suffocating as it did around graduation but he still has to keep vigilant about it.

Just as he thinks he’s memorized the symbols that keep appearing and disappearing when he touches the alien glass, there’s a knock on the door. He has no idea who it could be, maybe it’s the foreign students coming to invite him to movie night or something. The few seconds he hesitates are too long, because the knock comes again. 

“Michael?” 

Michael’s up like a shot, throwing the alien glass underneath his bedcover before unlocking the door and practically pulling it off the hinges. “Alex?” 

Alex is there, but in one way he’s not. He’s got a vacant, almost scared look in the one eye Michael can see. The other is swollen shut. He’s got a bruise on the side of his face, and there are marks on his neck too. He holds himself awkwardly, like something in his chest hurts, and there’s a cast around three of his fingers. This is not the Alex that left Albuquerque yesterday. “Hi.”

“Alex!” Michael pulls him into a hug, but Alex grunts so Michael lets him go to look him over, “What the fuck happened? Why are you here? You need a doctor, I’ll drive you. Fuck, did you drive back here?”

Alex glances at something behind Michael’s back before focusing on him.

“It was your dad, right?” Michael keeps babbling, “Fuck, I’m gonna kill him. I should never have let you go on your own.” Michael puts a gentle hand to Alex’s bruised cheek, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Alex starts to cry right there in the hallway, and Michael swoops him into his arms. He holds him quietly, at odds with the fury raging inside of him. If he could have just five minutes alone with Jesse Manes, the world would be a better place. 

“Come on.” Michael says eventually, guiding Alex inside his room.

“What happened here?” Alex asks, looking around at the papers and books scattered around the place.

“Oh, uh, got a little carried away with my research.” Michael shuffles all the papers on his bed together, drops them down on the floor. “Sit. Fuck, are you sure we shouldn’t take you to a hospital?”

Alex holds his hand up, “Where do you think I got this cast?”

“Alex.” Michael whispers, because he’s close to crying, “What happened? Why didn’t you call me?” Michael sits down next to Alex, presses close to him because he needs to feel Alex right now. The sentiment seems to be mutual because Alex is quick to put his hand on Michael’s thigh and lean into him.

“My dad.” Alex says quietly. “He was alright at first, but I should’ve known. But when he asked who I was texting, I was so fucking proud to tell him I had a boyfriend. I was so proud, and so smug that I could throw you in his face. That I was walking around campus with a guy, and everyone could tell we were together. He didn’t react. Then this morning…”

“Fuck, Alex. I never should’ve let you face him alone.”

“Don’t. He would’ve hurt you too. He took a hammer–” Alex starts breathing quickly, like he’s not getting enough air.

“No!” Michael pleads, because he can’t hear this, he can’t take Alex being hurt and abused like that, not when it was supposed to be over, when he’s supposed to start his own life away from home.

“He smashed my hand. Broke two fingers in three places.” Alex turns around, seeks out Michael’s embrace. “I don’t know if I can play music still.”

“Fuck, Alex, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” Michael’s voice breaks, just like his heart does.

Michael holds Alex for hours, letting him cry and sniffle as he needs to. Alex is so out of it he can’t tell when Michael uses his telekinesis to get him a glass of water and an aspirin without leaving the bed. 

It’s around midnight, and Michael has almost dozed off, when Alex’s stomach growls. Alex laughs, even if it sounds a bit broken. 

“Wanna see if someone’s left frozen pizza in the freezer?” Michael asks. 

“Stealing food?”

“Hey, when people leave food in the kitchen, they’re begging for it to be stolen.” Michael grins. He rolls his eyes when Alex glares as much as he can with one swollen eye. “Okay, we’ll go to the store before everyone’s back and replace it. You wanna like, get changed or anything?”

“I should probably take a shower.” Alex yawns, sits up. “I feel sticky. And not in the good way.”

Michael’s ready to catch Alex as he gets out of bed, which earns him a dark mutter from Alex. He lets Alex go to his room on his own, makes his way to the kitchenette in the meantime. He finds soup and hash browns, and with the random spices left behind by students throughout the years, he figures he can make something work. Alex trudges by him on his way to the showers, and Michael sets about heating the soup.

He’s trying to find cutlery when he hears Alex call out for him. He turns off the stove and almost runs to the showers. 

“You okay?” Michael asks. 

“Yeah.” Alex has to be lying because underneath the unforgiving light of the communal bathroom lighting fixtures, his skin looks paler than Michael has ever seen it, except for where it’s red and purple. Like he suspected there’s bruising down Alex’s left side. “I’m fine, Michael. I promise. I just need help washing my hair. I want to feel clean.”

Alex has that plastic wrap that people with casts use to keep it dry, but he still keeps his arm out of the way from the spray. Michael pulls off his t-shirt and gets rid of his socks and jeans before stepping close so that Alex can rest his arm on Michael’s shoulder. Water runs down Michael’s side and back but he doesn’t care. He expects Alex to say something about it, apologize for making Michael wet, but he doesn’t. He just closes his eyes and lets out a quiet sob. It’s yet more proof that he’s not fine, but Michael doesn’t push. He takes the shampoo from Alex’s shower basket and squirts it into his hands before distributing it through Alex’s hair. 

Alex moves his head into Michael’s hands, so he does what he should and attempts a little head massage. Alex sighs and relaxes, so Michael keeps rubbing softly at Alex’s skull for a minute or two until Alex tilts his head and lets the shampoo drain away. 

“Conditioner?” Michael asks. 

“Not now.” Alex looks at him, “You’re soaked.”

Michael puts a hand at Alex’s jaw, uses the other to carefully swipe at the bruising on Alex’s face. It makes Alex bite his lip, but he doesn’t flinch away. Michael inspects Alex’s body as well as he can, runs his hand over new bruises and old scars. Alex’s dick hangs flaccid between his legs, a testament to how tired he is in both mind and body. The water pressure isn’t great at the best of times, but seems to get worse the longer they’re in there. After allowing Michael his moment, Alex turns the water off.

Michael’s definitely soaked now, but he just looks at Alex, tries to show him he’s there for him no matter if Alex wants to talk or just ignore it. Alex looks resolutely back with his one good eye, chocolate dark and unflinching. 

“Come on,” Michael says as he walks over to get the towel, “let’s get you dry again.”

“Oh my god, you’re gonna towel me off?” 

“You’ll do a half-assed job with only one hand, so yes I will.” Michael motions for Alex to get out of the cubicle. He tries to be gentle but also actually get Alex dry. It’s awkward because he’s never dried anyone off before but it quickly turns into a tickling match so it’s all good. When Alex dresses in sweats and a huge sweatshirt, Michael dries himself off too. 

“What did I see you cooking earlier?”

They end up in the lounge with the TV on, picking a _The Bachelor_ rerun neither cares about but won’t remind them of their own reality. The soup’s alright, something carrot-y, and the hash browns taste fine covered in spices and a ton of salt. 

“How long will you have the cast on?” Michael asks when they’ve finished eating. 

“Eight weeks, they said. I can have it removed here at the student clinic. Which is good because I am never setting a fucking foot in that town again.” Alex’s voice turns to steel at the end.

Michael swallows, “You got the cast in Roswell?”

“Yeah.” He sighs loudly, “I don’t… I don’t know what I should tell you.”

“Anything you want. Or not.”

Alex’s not really looking Michael, but Michael can’t stop memorizing everything about him. The red and purple mottled on his upper cheek. The tired look in his eye, the way the sweater swallows him whole. 

“When he was done, I waited. When I was sure he wasn’t coming back, I grabbed everything I could and ran the fuck out of there. I was in the truck, I don’t know how far out of Roswell, when Valenti pulled me over.”

“Sheriff Valenti?” 

Alex snorts, turns to Michael for a brief moment to raise a meaningful eyebrow over his good eye, “He thought it was you, recognized the truck and wanted to check in on his favorite miscreant.”

Michael grins, “I’m hard to forget.”

“Tell me about it.” Alex murmurs. “He got one look at me and took me to the hospital.”

“So he knows? About your dad, you told him, right?”

Alex laughs, something cold and treacherous. “Yeah, he knows. He’s always fucking known.”

“What?” Michael almost falls off the couch in his rapid twist towards Alex, “He knows? That your dad beats you black and blue?”

“Yeah, he knows!” Alex yells. “Why the fuck do you think I’ve never pressed charges? They’re old fishing buddies and my dad has just enough dirt on the sheriff to keep him from doing anything.”

“Fuck.” Michael runs his hands through his hair angrily. “We gotta, we gotta do something. We can go to the authorities here.”

“No, Michael, no. I love that you want to, but my dad is not someone you want as an enemy. Please.” Alex holds his good hand up, and Michael takes it. He moves to sit right beside Alex, his free arm around Alex’s back. 

“They tell you anything else, you know, ‘bout your bruises?”

“Most of it’ll heal on its own. I’m supposed to check the eye for swelling and they gave me eye drops to use if it itches.”

“Okay. I’ll help if you need it.”

“I know.” Alex burrows in closer, rests his head against Michael’s collarbone. “Knew you would be here for me. Just wanted to get to you all fucking day. Fucking Valenti made me hang around the hospital for hours.”

“Well that’s one thing he’s done right in his life.”

Alex doesn’t reply, just fiddles with the belt loop on Michael’s jeans. 

When the episode is over Michael asks if Alex wants to go to bed. 

“Can we sleep in you room tonight?” Alex asks in return, and he’d probably look embarrassed if he wasn’t so tired. “I want to be somewhere he’s never been.”

“Anything, babe.” Michael stands up first and has to practically drag Alex up with him. 

Michael discreetly kicks the alien glass into the gap between the wall and the bed when they crawl under the covers, and kisses Alex goodnight.

**

Even though Michael’s bed is the same size as Alex’s, it feels narrower. It’s probably because the room is smaller, and also because Michael is lying on his side, careful not to bump into any of Alex’s bruises. 

Alex wakes up with a gasp, throwing an arm out over the edge of the bed which makes him lose his balance even though he’s lying down. Michael steadies him with a hand on his chest.

“Easy, Private.”

Alex’s eyes snap up to him, “Don’t call me that. Don’t call me anything that has anything to do with the Army, or the Air Force, or any of the branches.”

Michael holds his hands up, “Sorry, it just came out.”

With a loud sigh, Alex settles back. “It’s just, he always meant for all of us to be good little soldiers.”

“I heard Liz and Rosa at The Crashdown once, talking about how you were probably gonna enlist.” Michael remembers being afraid and confused around graduation, and the cold fear gripping his entire being when he realized Alex might disappear from his life forever, all in some cursed war that should’ve been over years ago.

“Yeah. Fuck, I’m supposed to meet them there today, I have to call them.” Alex looks around for a confused moment. “Okay, I have no idea what kind of order you have in here, but I think my phone’s in the truck still.”

Michael doesn’t mention that they’ve already talked about why there are papers and books everywhere. Alex was pretty out of it yesterday, and it stands to reason he doesn’t remember all of it. 

“We’ll get dressed and go get groceries.” Michael climbs over the other man, stopping to shove their crotches together because he can. 

Alex slaps at Michael’s butt, “You go. I don’t think I should show myself outside like this.”

“How’s it feel?” 

“I don’t know yet. Give me half an hour.”

They decide to split up, Michael heading to the store and Alex calling his friends. Michael springs for a few treats he wouldn’t normally get, like the mac’n’cheese mix he knows Alex likes, and Pepsi because Alex thinks it tastes better than Coke. He also gets lube and condoms, since it’s time to stock up. On an impulse, he gets a Star Wars comic for kids that comes with a free Lego character.

When he gets back he kisses Alex hello and gives him the comic, “Merry Christmas, darlin’.”

Alex laughs, and it’s so good to see him genuinely happy at Michael’s stupid gift, “Wow, when I said ten dollar spending limit you went for the lower numbers, huh?”

“If you don’t want that–” Michael starts, but Alex has already torn the pack open and pulls out a Yoda Lego character.

“Mine this is.” Alex does the voice and everything.

Michael is still mad and upset but he’s also so happy because Alex is here, he wants to be with Michael, trusts him to take care of him and he lets Michael kiss him and offer the ham and cheese sandwiches he got at the so-so bakery in the grocery store.

“You talk to Liz?” Michael asks, as they’re back on the couch watching some Hallmark Christmas movie. 

“Yeah.” Alex shrugs. “I don’t really… Like, not right now, yeah?”

“Okay.” Michael squeezes Alex’s hand. “I know the plan was to do presents tomorrow, but we could do them now, if that’s alright with you?”

Alex lights up, “You have something more for me than just a kids’ comic?”

Michael gives him an exaggerated look, “Shocking, I know.”

“Meet back here in ten?” Alex suggests.

Michael agrees by taking hold of the collar of his sweatshirt and hauling him in for a kiss. Alex’s hands immediately seek out their place in Michael’s curls. Michael thinks about keeping it light, mindful of the bruises on Alex’s face, but Alex thrusts his tongue inside Michael’s mouth and it turns into a dirty make-out session. Alex keeps pawing at Michael’s hair and his chest, the onslaught so overwhelming that Michael can barely keep up. He lets Alex kiss him as hungrily as he wants to, feels his mouth go slack and his body pliant as Alex pushes and prods. Usually Alex likes peppering Michael’s neck with kisses and licks, but this time he almost only keeps to his mouth, grazing his teeth over Michael’s lips, sucking on his tongue. 

The ten minutes they agreed upon becomes forty minutes as Michael’s flannel disappears and Alex pushes him down on the sofa. Michael’s the one that has to remind Alex he has rules about taking their dicks out in the common area. They end up jerking each other off against the door of Michael’s room instead. 

Once they do commence with their own little Christmas, Alex has a green elf hat on as he gives two small packages wrapped in sparkly red wrapping paper to Michael. Michael almost goes cross-eyed from looking at the hat, but bites his tongue and doesn’t say anything. The way Alex keeps looking at him in amusement, it’s clear Alex knows Michael is desperate to make fun of him and enjoys watching Michael squirm. 

Michael studies Alex as he’s opening his gift. The curiosity, the excitement and the happiness shining on his bruised face makes Michael realize he is a goner. Hook, line and sinker, Alex Manes has turned him into a hopelessly-in-love romantic who’ll do anything just to see that happiness for one more day. It’s frightening, realizing he cares for someone unlike he has ever cared before in his whole life, even more than he cares for himself. They’ve only really known each other four-five months, only dated for one. But even back in that shed in the spring, Michael could feel it. How his gravity wanted to spin around Alex’s sun, how kissing him would change Michael’s life forever. He never would’ve guessed it would happen this fast, and this hard. He’s not sure what to do now, he wants Alex to be his boyfriend for a long, long time, but maybe they should keep things a little more fun and relaxed while they can. They are still teenagers after all, and if Alex wants to leave him in the future for whatever reason, it’ll destroy Michael if Alex does it knowing how much Michael loves him and simply not finding it enough.

“I love them, thank you.” Alex grins, planting a wet kiss on Michael’s cheek. 

The motion brings Michael back to the present, where Alex is trying on a pair of mittens that Michael got at a street market a while back. “She said it was a Navajo pattern, but maybe she was just having me on, I don’t know if that’s even a thing. I said it was for someone who was looking into his roots and she pointed at these specifically so, you know.”

Alex drags one over his hand with the cast, “Lucky they don’t have fingers. I’ll need these this winter.”

“You’ve needed them for ages, you keep wearing the ones with the cut off fingers.”

“To show my nails.” Alex interrupts. 

“Yeah, well, you can wear these over those.” Michael says. “And like, maybe you can teach me some of the stuff you’ll learn in your Native American studies so I’m not completely ignorant.”

Alex stops fiddling with the mittens, gives Michael a soft smile that feels too private to share in the lounge where anyone could show up at any time.

Opening the gifts from Alex feels scary. The fact that it’s from someone other than Max and Isobel, someone who’s possibly, hopefully, had him on his mind as they perused shopfronts and magazines for a gift is pretty overwhelming. He’s certain he’ll love whatever it is, but it’s nervewracking not knowing what Alex thinks he wants or needs. 

The first one is heavy and flat, and flies out of its wrapping paper with one flick of Michael’s thumb.

Alex grins, “I’ve never been known for my wrapping skills.”

Michael picks up the shiny belt buckle, mostly metallic silver but with golden bolts dotted around the edges, a silver sun embossed in the middle. He runs his finger over it quietly, taking in the details and craftsmanship. He glances at Alex from under his lashes, but he seems to be waiting for a reaction from Michael, turning the black ring on his thumb over and over. 

The second gift takes a second longer to open. Michael exhales softly, “Alex.”

“Here.” Alex takes the fine leather bracelet carefully from Michael’s hands, twines it around his right wrist. He turns it over and rests a hand on top of it before pulling back. “If you don’t like it–”

“I love it.” Michael says without hesitation. He feels the leather with his right hand. It’s a light brown, almost beige. It’ not too different from his own skin tone, and maybe that’s what Alex was going for. Giving him something he’d never thought to buy himself, but not push him all the way out of his comfort zone.

“Yeah?” Alex looks so relieved, and proud, like he did something good.

“You totally broke the spending limit, but yeah, I love it.”

“Not by much. A girl in my Composition class makes the bracelets, I already got the buckle but I saw this and thought of you, so I had to get it. I can give you nothing next year and we’ll be even.”

Michael turns the bracelet over, mindful of not pulling too hard. Alex thought of him when he saw it, had an unstoppable impulse to get it for him even though he’d already bought something else. This gift is about love, not expectation or tradition. “Thank you.”

“If you’re not comfortable wearing it, or you don’t like either of them, I can get you something else.”

“Alex, relax. I would’ve told you if I didn’t like it. They’re cool, okay?”

Alex grins, plops a kiss on Michael’s jaw, “I notice more than you think, I’ve seen you looking at the belts at that leather shop. You’d never buy it for yourself, so I had to step up.”

Michael has to snort, because there is so much about Michael that Alex is completely ignorant of. “You’re clearly the best boyfriend I’ve had all day.”

Alex shakes his head, “I have it on a good authority you’ve never been with anyone you like as much as you like me.”

“Yeah.” Michael sighs, “I can never look away from you.” He gently touches Alex’s swollen bruise, “You doing okay?”

“I think I’m actually gonna go lay down. I took some pills earlier for the pain and they’re starting to get to me.”

“You’re in pain?” Michael lets go of Alex immediately. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“’Cos you’d overreact. Yes, I am still experiencing pain from having the living shit beat out of me, but I’m taking my pills like the doctor ordered and that’s why I’m sleepy.” 

Deciding to not argue with Alex, Michael moves off the couch and gathers up the wrapping paper, “Okay, I’ll clear things up here and come join you in a bit.”

“You don’t have to take a nap too.” Alex protests, but he doesn’t sound too bothered either way. “Work on your research. What is your research anyway?”

Michael stalls, “Uh, just something for my project with Jack.”

“Right, the starship.” Alex snorts, “You are such a nerd. I bet you’ve seen all episodes of all _Star Trek_ series.”

“Not all of them.” Michael admits. “_Original Series_ and _Next Gen_ was on a lot in the group home, and for some reason it was popular in the foster homes too.” 

Alex gives him a knowing look but doesn’t say anything about it, “Do what you like, babe. I’m gonna sleep in your bed, okay?”

“Knock yourself out. I mean, no, that’s not what I meant, uh...”

Alex gives him a blank look before cracking up, “Oh my god, your face! Ow, don’t make me laugh that hard, my face hurts!”

“I’m sorry!” Michael says in exasperation, relieved Alex chose to see the sunny side in his terribly inappropriate comment. 

**

They spend the next few days in Michael’s room, Alex moving more and more things from his room every morning and evening. There’s almost as many of his clothes in the closet as Michael’s, but that could be down to Michael owning very few clothes and Alex often wearing layers. They see the maintenance worker once and the security guard starts making his rounds on the 27th again. He gives Alex’s face a questioning look as they pass each other in the stairwell, but doesn’t say anything. Michael’s glad for it since Alex was hard to convince that a walk outside would do him good. He might not have a problem showing himself at his most hurt to Michael, but he’s paranoid as hell about letting others see him. Michael thinks it has to do with previous experiences and wonders how many times Alex hid himself away so that no one in Roswell would see his injuries. 

Michael can feel the same guard’s eyes on them the next day too as he makes a sweep of their floor and sees them in the kitchenette. It’s Alex’s story to tell, but Michael doesn’t want any trouble.

“His bruises are why we’re here and not at home.” Michael says, catching the guard as he’s about to get into the elevator and continue his round on a different floor.

The man, a heavy-set middle-aged Hispanic whose nametag reads Reynard, narrows his eyes at Michael.

“We’ll be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and you’ll see that the swelling will go down and the bruising disappear.”

“Good.” Reynard nods. “See you tomorrow, then.”

Michael doesn’t tell Alex about the conversation. 

Between Christmas and New Year’s they use the lounge a lot for eating and watching TV, but mostly they hole up in the room Michael calls home. Michael manages to get some research done despite not being able to have the alien glass out, and Alex gets frustrated trying to type on the laptop onehanded. None of their dorm neighbors show up, but Reynard passes by around six every evening, and they run into some of the foreign students in the stairway the day before New Year’s Eve. That chance meeting gets them invited to a _Wii Sports_ tournament two flights up that they instantly agree to. They lose every single game thanks to Alex’s cast, but have a great time doing it and get to know a surprising amount of people, none of whom mention Alex’s eye or the way he and Michael hold hands.

It’s good too, since Alex seems to not be doing as well as he lets on. He smiles and laughs and talks nonsense with Michael, but in between, he’s silent and reserved, almost withdrawn. Alex has always had his quiet, productive moments, but he’s usually let his presence be known. Now his movements are nervous, he sits at the desk hunched in on himself or lies on the bed with the cover almost over his head. 

Michael gets it, understands that Alex must be fucked up from the beating and probably has old mental scars that have been picked at by the incident. He just wishes there was something he could do besides hating Alex’s dad for doing this to him. He doesn’t need Alex to be fine, or to overcome his trauma instantly. He’ll give Alex all the time he needs. He just wishes that Alex won’t backtrack into something even worse before he hopefully gets better. 

“Swelling’s almost gone.” Alex prods at his cheek, looking at it through the mirror in Michael’s room.

“Yeah,” Michael agrees from where he’s undressing on the edge of the bed, “looks better.” 

“People are gonna start coming back soon.” Alex sighs, feeling the lock on the door before tumbling down next to Michael. “Hopefully it’s gone by then. The way my eyeball feels, I reckon I’ll be completely fine once the swelling’s gone.”

“That’s good.” Michael draws in a breath, decides to reveal his most current and topical secret and face Alex’s wrath. “I’ve been taking pictures. Of your bruises when you sleep.”

“What?!” Alex sits up, ramrod straight and eyes piercing darkly at Michael. 

“So that if you wanted to go to the police we’d have proof.” Michael explains, but it sounds so much lamer and ill-advised than it had in his head when he’d made the decision.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Alex yells, hands waving all over the place, “You had no right, no right! It’s my life, and I said no cops, so _no. Fucking. Cops_.”

“I know.” Michael says, fighting back unexpected tears. Everything about this situation makes him want to cry and hit something. “But there are other cops than Valenti, he could–”

“Valenti?!” Alex hits the mattress hard with his bad hand, hisses at the sensation. “Valenti’s the only fucking reason I’m even here so _no_, Michael, I do not want to throw him under the bus.”

“There’s more to being a sheriff than taking a teenager to the hospital.” 

“No, I mean the whole reason I’m even a student here!” Alex exclaims angrily. His face is red and his eyes ablaze. “Where the fuck do you think I was at graduation and the summer? It wasn’t at Miami Beach! I was in fucking hiding ‘cos my dad kicked me so bad I couldn’t breathe properly for a week. You think this is the first time he’s done this to me? You think he’d start with a hammer? No, he’s done a lot of things for a long time, and it’s just gotten worse because I keep giving him lip about enlisting. Valenti saw it, because I had nowhere else to go, and I knew he wouldn’t stop my dad, but he’d still help me as much as he could.”

Michael’s having a hard time following along because Alex talks so fast, and so loud, and the things he’s saying hurt to hear. 

“He should’ve helped you more.” Michael tries, voice shaking. 

Alex grabs a book from the nightstand, throws it on the floor, gets up, grabs the book and throws it on the floor again. “There’s shit between our families that you can’t even begin to understand! You know how Valenti sold my dad on letting me come to college? I heard them arguing for fucking hours, Valenti telling him that I’d be more loyal to them that way. That I would be useful for the project. They’re grooming me for some fucking Illuminati shit, and that’s the only reason I’m here, because Valenti knew I’d run away before enlisting. So that I’ll join them in some fucking _cause_ in Roswell that I’m not even supposed to know about!”

Michael’s world grinds to a halt. He, Max and Isobel have always been weary of the sheriff, and of anyone in a uniform, but now there’s a secret project? One that involves Alex’s family?

“Just leave me alone.” Alex says, like he’s run out of gas. He flops down on the bed, shoves at a still shocked Michael sitting on the edge of the mattress. When Michael doesn’t move, Alex starts pushing him in earnest, “Leave me alone!”

Michael lets himself be pushed off the bed, falls down to the floor with a thud. He’s too numb to care. Alex’s dad is an Airman who has lived in Roswell his whole life, Alex has told him as much. Alex’s grandfather was an Airman too, stationed in Roswell at the tail-end of the Second World War, met a woman and never left. It adds up. Alex’s grandfather was in Roswell in 1947. Michael and Max spent most of last year chasing down public and hidden records about troop movements around the time of the crash, unexpected expenditures in the Air Force base budget, assignment details, anything that could be important. They’ve more or less concluded that the Air Force has the ship they crashed with hidden away somewhere, which is frustratingly little to show for all their work.

He almost wishes Alex hadn’t told him. That he didn’t know that Manes and Valenti might be the enemies he and his siblings have always worried about. How is he supposed to tell the others about this? How is he supposed to not tell them? Loyalty to their secret and the bond between the three of them have always been the most important thing in the world, the one thing he’s been able to rely upon.

Ten quiet minutes pass in the room, the air loaded with anger, exhaustion and regret. Michael sits on the floor, staring blankly ahead while Alex lies on the bed, curling in on himself. 

“Can I come up there?” Michael says into the silence, because he needs to feel Alex, needs his touch to ground him and stop the noise in his head. He wishes Alex could play him a song, but holding his hand will do just as fine.

Alex just huffs in response, which Michael interprets as a ‘yes’. He gingerly gets up and settles behind Alex who is lying on his side facing the wall. It takes a moment but then Alex is turning around and burrowing himself in against Michael’s body. Michael puts an arm around him and kisses his hair. 

**

Having put it off for as long as possible, Michael calls Isobel on the morning of the 31st. Alex has gone for a run, which Michael did not see coming since Alex has been reluctant about being outside and has never mentioned being a runner to Michael. But it’s a step in the right direction and gives Michael time to talk to his sister without having to watch his words. 

“Hi, Iz.” 

“Michael.” Isobel’s voice is controlled and tight. “How good of you to grace us with your voice.”

Michael rolls his eyes, “I’ve been busy.”

“Sure.” Isobel’s irritation can be heard over the line. It’s what he gets for not calling her back on Christmas Day, and barely responding to her texts since. It’s the closest she’s come to showing concern for him in a long while. “So, why aren’t you here to party with us tonight?”

With a chuckle, Michael says, “I don’t like those parties, and you hate them.”

“True, but we still have to attend them. Posing as human teenagers, remember?”

“How’s that going?”

“Well, mom and dad are convinced I’m depressed because I get unexplained panic attacks and blackouts, Max is running himself ragged trying to find something in the pod cave that can help us and keep me from hurting myself or others.”

Michael takes the punches the way she intends him to. 

“And you’re at college, forgetting we even exist.”

“That is not true!” Michael exclaims, “I want to call you all the time to tell you about the things I’ve learned, I think I figured out how our biology might be linked to controlling the spaceship, but Max told me to leave you alone.”

“Max told you to what?” Isobel’s voice is steely cold.

“Uh…”

“He told you to stay away from me? Why? Why would he do that?” 

Michael hesitates, wondering if he’s fucking shit up. “Your episodes… You need stability.”

“I’d have a lot more of it if both my brothers were here.” 

Michael feels the accusation cut through him. He’s finally off doing something with his life, putting himself first, and Isobel is calling him selfish. Isn’t he, though? Being off finding friends and love, while she goes through psychological terror none of them have any clue how to stop.

Isobel sighs, “I’m sorry. I’m mad at Max, not you. It would’ve been nice to get a visit. There can’t be any lectures or students around campus now. Maybe I should come visit soon.”

“Actually, uh,” Michael inhales to give himself a little more courage, “there is someone else here. Uh, remember I said Alex Manes goes to UNM?”

“Sure, the emo kid.”

“Yeah. And uh… well, we’re sorta dating.” Michael swallows, feels like he’s suspended in midair. It’s not until this very moment that he realizes he has no clue how Isobel will react to his bisexuality. He hopes she’ll be just as blasé about it as she is about most things that don’t involve her specifically. 

“What does ‘sorta dating’ mean?” Isobel asks. 

Michael thinks about Alex, and his outburst last night, and how they’d found peace again by just being near each other, and the kiss on Michael’s temple this morning before Alex had gone on his jog. “We’re boyfriends.”

“That’s great Michael, I’m happy for you.”

“But?” Michael asks, because he can hear it in the way her voice doesn’t change pitch at all. 

“Having fun with a boy is all fine and well, but remember who your family is. No one can know the truth about us.”

Michael bristles at the idea that he’s ‘having fun’ with Alex, the last week has been anything but fun. Still, he agrees on an intellectual level, and has been careful to keep any overtly alien research to the moments Alex is not in the room. But it still hurts to have someone else point out his lying. “Don’t worry, I’m good at keeping secrets.”

Isobel hums but doesn’t press the issue.

“Actually,” Michael feels like a dick, but he can’t keep what he’s about to say from his siblings, he just can’t. It sucks, but they have to put their safety first, and if Max and Isobel were to get into trouble because of not knowing what Michael’s about to say, he couldn’t live with that on his conscience. “Alex said something last night like maybe his family has a secret too. Some project his dad has together with Sheriff Valenti. I just got a feeling, you know? Like it has to do with us.”

Isobel curses under her breath, “Okay, I’ll tell Max.”

Michael is not looking forward to that because Max will call and have a million questions that Michael won’t have the answers to, and he’ll blame Michael for it. 

He can hear footsteps in the hallway, which means Alex is getting back. “Listen, Iz, I gotta go, but happy New Year, and say hi to Max, I guess.”

Isobel snorts, lowers her voice to sound like a guy, “I guess, uh, I’m fearful of emotions and have a tiny dick.”

“Hey, whoa now!” Michael laughs. Alex knocks on the door rapidly before opening it, announcing his presence. It’s a routine they’ve both adopted and seem to appreciate, a little heads-up that someone is coming. Michael doesn’t even think about the smile he greets Alex with, just lets it take over his face and his entire mood. Everything’s better when Alex is around. “I’ll talk to you soon, Iz. Call if you need me.”

“Bye. I’m coming for that visit!”

Michael ends the call with a fond chuckle, gets off Jermaine’s bed and saunters over to where Alex is drinking water straight from the tap because he likes to live dangerously. “Good run?”

“Yeah.” Alex is still catching his breath, moving his head around like he’s stretching out a kink in his neck. “That Isobel?”

“Yup. I told her you’re my boyfriend.”

Alex swivels around, surprise painted over his features, “You did?”

“Mmm. You’re sweaty.” Michael smirks, placing his hands over the dark spot on Alex’s cotton t-shirt. His grey hoodie is unzipped, flapping loosely around him. Michael drags his hands up to Alex’s shoulders, gets his fingers around the hoodie’s fabric and pulls it off. 

Alex smirks right back, an eyebrow raising up, “I think you like me sweaty.”

“I like you sweaty and naked.” Michael kisses him lightly on the lips, “Wanna get naked with me, darlin’?”

Alex’s face is already red from the jog, but Michael can see it go one shade darker. Michael gets his hands on Alex’s ass, making Alex exhale loudly. The temperature of the room just went up by about a hundred. 

“I want you to fuck me.” Alex whispers hotly into Michael’s ear. He doesn’t let Michael pull back from the shock of hearing those words finally spoken, holds him in a firm grip with his good hand and kisses his neck. 

Michael really, really wants to get his dick inside Alex’s ass, but they haven’t done that yet and it’s a little nervewracking, just as it is exciting. He wants to get it right, not just the fucking but the whole situation too. “Come on, on the bed.” He practically pushes Alex down, making Alex look up at him with surprise and expectation, eyes dark and fixed on Michael’s face. He’s leaning back on his elbows, showing off his slim frame. 

Michael takes a deep breath at the sinful sight. He exhales once before pulling his t-shirt off and practically hurling himself on top of Alex. Their kisses are hurried and wet, with the right amount of tongue and licking for both of them. Michael gets Alex’s clothes off, sits back and enjoys the show. Alex’s cock is already hard, sticking up from a thick thatch of hair.

“You’re so fucking hot.” Michael says hoarsely. 

“Get naked. And the lube and condoms.”

Michael almost tumbles over the side of the bed in his haste to reach the nightstand. He glances to the side and pauses. “We could use Jermaine’s bed.”

“What?” Alex says, like he’s a little distracted by Michael taking his clothes off. 

“The other bed. We could push it up to mine, gives us more room.” Michael steps out of his briefs and snags the stuff from the nightstand. 

“No, what are you talking about, that’s Jermaine’s bed, we can’t have sex on that.” Alex protests. 

“Why not?” Michael straddles Alex’s hips, leans forward to get his hands on Alex’s hair and neck. 

“Because we can’t have sex on a friend’s bed. That’s disgusting. I don’t want Conrad to have sex on my bed.”

“It’s not like he’d know. We’ll wash the sheets.”

“Babe, not gonna happen, so please focus on other things.” Alex pushes his hips up to drive the point home.

Michael doesn’t mind those priorities, lowers his head enough so he can trace Alex’s lips with his tongue. He can feel Alex’s dick against his belly, making his own erection harden by the second. He knows Alex has been fucked before, had learned that a couple of weeks back when they’d talked about their sexual history. Alex says it was someone he knew and liked, but not a boyfriend, Michael is the first to wear that label.

They grind together for a while, making out and letting hands wander and grab at sweaty skin, Alex mostly resting his cast on Michael’s shoulder. Michael takes hold of Alex’s left leg, bends it back and up. Alex helps him get into a better position in the gap between Alex’s legs, dicks rubbing against each other every so often. They keep thrusting against one another, breaths ragged and peppered with grunts. Alex gets a hand on Michael’s pec, rubs over his nipple. It makes Michael gasp, his dick pushing hard at Alex’s perineum. 

“Gonna make it good for you.” Michael murmurs, the passionate fire in Alex’s eyes setting Michael’s whole body ablaze. 

Having seen a lot of gay porn and read up on the matter, Michael sucks Alex off first. He doesn’t make it into a big production, just puts his mouth on Alex’s cock and goes to town. He slurps and licks and almost loses his breath when Alex stutters into him. Michael has gotten used to giving head, and has started enjoying it more and more. That’s probably because as he’s gotten better at blowjobs, Alex has gotten louder and more appreciative of his efforts.

He pauses the blowjob to get the lube, spreads some on Alex’s hole and lathers his finger with it too. It’s messy as hell, but playing with Alex’s ass is amazing. He’s tight and warm, and so responsive. Michael just taps over the hole first, before prodding inside. Alex moans his name loudly, spreading his legs even wider. The clench of his hole tightens and loosens as Michael moves his finger in and out, his lower abdomen tightening too. Michael pulls off his dick with a loud slurp, kisses his thighs and waist. He times a longer push of his finger with a kiss as close to Alex’s hole as he dares right now. It makes Alex keen, hands flailing until they settle in on Michael’s head, the unbroken one tangling in his curls. 

“Fuck, Michael, I’m not gonna…” Alex breathes out, but he still grabs a pillow and pushes it in under his ass. 

Somehow, Michael manages to get two fingers inside Alex before he warns Michael he’s about to come. He’s got his mouth back on that dark red cock, curved just a little to the left. At the warning, Michael pulls off and strips the orgasm out of Alex with his hand. Alex shivers afterwards, little tremors running across his lower body. He’s never looked better. It’s almost as if Michael can’t see the faded purple on his upper right side, the white of his cast or the yellow of his cheek, he can only see the tanned shade of his skin and the sheen of sweat on it. Alex’s eyes are blown wide and his hair is a mess. He’s not worn makeup in the past week but he has two rings on and they only add to how sexy and blissed out he looks.

Michael thinks he’s gonna explode and considers just going for it, and saving the anal for another time. Alex moves awkwardly underneath him, and it looks like he’s going to leave the bed, but he just gets on all four with his ass up in the air. “Fuck me already.”

The breath knocked out of his lungs, it takes Michael a minute to remember to press a hot, hard kiss to Alex’s mouth. He pulls back, looks at Alex in wonder. “I’m so fucking lucky.”

Alex actually bites his lip shyly, again that impossible mix of innocence and sin. 

Michael gets into position, standing on the floor behind Alex. He gets more lube and starts fingering his lover again, taking note of what movements and angles makes Alex groan in pleasure or grunt in discomfort. “Think you can get hard again?”

“Yeah. Just give me a minute.” Alex says. 

What Michael does is give him another finger. It’s tight as hell, and he has no idea how he’s going to fit his dick inside, but he wants to now more than ever. Alex moans loudly, spreading his knees. Michael runs a soothing hand on Alex’s lower back, bending over once to kiss his shoulder. Michael’s dick is leaking but he worries it’s too soon, that Alex needs more prep. He takes deep breaths and tries to think of unsexy things but it does very little to keep the buzz inside him down to a minimum. 

It’s awkward, because Michael crooks his fingers and moves them in and out so much it almost stops being hot, and Alex gets less responsive. When Michael checks in with him, Alex says he just needs to jerk himself a little so that he’s with the program again. A few minutes later, Alex tells Michael to put on the condom. 

The head of his dick looks thicker than it really is against Alex’s pink hole, messy from the lube. It looks so inviting, but is so hard to enter. Michael pushes his cock against it several times before he can breach the ring. It makes them both cry out, Alex falling forward. 

“You okay?” Michael asks, terrified he’s done something wrong. 

“Yeah, just… Need to adjust.”

It’s too slow and too awkward and Alex’s erection seems to be slackening at the same time as Michael’s just keep pulsing, precum filling the condom. Michael has to bite down hard on his lip when he slathers some more lube on his dick, but it’s worth it because Alex’s body finally lets him inside. Not all his dick, but most of it, and more than enough for Michael to feel like he’s reached a new level of understanding of the universe, all his nerve endings lighting up at once. He sets a pace without realizing it, thrusting in and out. He doesn’t know who’s making the most noise, him or Alex. He’s not gonna last long, but fucking Alex is something he’s going to work on for a long time, until he has it down to an art form and can give Alex pleasure for hours on end, making him a speechless mess who can’t do anything but feel Michael’s love. 

But that’s later, and in the present they’re not used enough to each other like this for it be perfect. Michael’s dick falls out a few times, his legs can hardly carry him, and Alex’s thigh smarts every so often. But it’s still amazing and Alex is the hottest thing on this planet and he lets Michael claim his body. Hearing him plead for Michael to fuck him harder and faster, to give him his dick, pushes Michael over the edge in an orgasm that leaves him breathless and boneless. He stays buried inside Alex as the cum flows out of him, cock still hard for a good while after coming. He gets rid of the condom before he tumbles down on the bed. He feels Alex kiss him, but is too spaced out to kiss him back. Alex chuckles, says something under his breath before straddling Michael and jerking himself off on top of Michael’s chest. His cum lands on Michael’s throat and neck, some on the chest hair that’s appeared more prominently in-between Michael’s pecs. 

“Did you like it?” Michael asks once Alex has cleaned them off and has settled with his arms and legs possessively around Michael’s body.

“Yeah. Did you?” Alex asks quietly, jaw resting on Michael’s shoulder. His gaze is vulnerable and open. 

“I loved it.” Michael says, “Your ass is… It’s fucking amazing. So fucking tight, and so fucking… hot around my dick.”

Alex chuckles, “My ass is pretty amazing. Pretty sore right now.”

“Did I hurt you?” Michael’s worried in an instant, almost sitting up before Alex can push him back down.

“You didn’t hurt me. I’m not used to it yet. A lot of men have trouble adjusting to taking it anally.”

Michael read that online when he looked up tips on having a good first time. “We’ll just have to practice. And you’ll tell me if it’s too much.”

“Deal.” Alex presses a dry kiss to Michael’s shoulder. “Was it different than fucking a girl?”

“Oh yeah.” Michael grins, “Very different. I don’t know if it was because you’re a guy, but that’s definitely the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“I’ll take that.” Alex tangles their fingers, resting their hands on Michael’s chest. “I’m gonna sleep now. You had to jump me after my first run in two years.”

“It’s your own fault. See what happens next time you come back all flushed and sweaty like that.”

“Now that’s what I call motivation.” Alex deadpans. 

** 

They join Xian, Hoshi, Bashir and the other foreign students for a small New Year’s Eve party, about twenty people in total. Alex uses concealer on his bruised cheek and paints his nails in rainbow colors, but doesn’t put on eyeliner. Most of the other students are over 21 so alcohol is all around, as are random snacks from all over the world. Michael sneaks some acetone from a flask into the drinks he’s supplied with and makes sure no one gets close enough to smell it. He has a good buzz going when it’s nearing midnight and Hoshi unveils the two paper bags full of shady fireworks she’s gotten. They all pile outside and Michael excitedly joins the party guests who want to light the fireworks. He uses his telekinesis to get them just a little bit higher up before exploding.

He’s laughing and smiling at the sky, the colors lighting up the flat, boring landscape. They all cheer and toast, the new year being greeted in a number of languages. He turns to find Alex, has to squint before spotting him by a tree, relaxed stance and carefree expression. He’s beautiful. Michael leaves the others behind, and Alex meets him halfway. Michael puts his arms over Alex’s shoulders, clasping his hands together behind his neck. “Happy New Year.”

“Yeah.” Alex sighs against Michael’s lips before kissing him for the first time that year.

**

They’re both on Michael’s bed when Jermaine comes back on January 3rd, reading each other’s final essays for the Mexican Lit class. 

“Oh hey, lovebirds, keeping it PG?” Jermaine says in greeting, but the smile slides off his face instantly. His gaze turns hard, his whole demeanor changes into something wild and scary. “You do that to him?”

“What?” Michael asks, confused for a minute before he realizes this is the first time Jermaine sees Alex. Michael’s feeling a lot better about Alex’s physical health because the bruises are almost gone, but his cheek is still starkly purple and yellow. Not to mention the cast on Alex’s hand. “No!”

Jermaine’s gaze is steady on him, calculating.

“It was at home. I’ve been staying here with Michael over the break instead.” Alex says, offering up information that is true, if brief.

Jermaine nods, “You been taking care of him?” He’s still looking at Michael like this conversation will decide their entire friendship. 

“Yeah, uh, I’ve tried to.”

“Good.” Jermaine nods, and just like that the smile is back, “I’d hate to have to fuck you up.”

Michael puts a hand on his heart, because he’s a little winded from the confrontation, “Man, you are fucking scary when you’re angry.”

“I’m scary when I protect people I care about.” He drops his bag by the edge of his bed. “Man, it reeks of sex in here.”

Alex blushes, but Michael just laughs and shrugs. 

“You couldn’t have aired it out?”

“We tried, but this one,” Alex nudges Michael, “didn’t know when you were coming back, so maybe we were a bit late.”

“Guess I should be grateful you guys are wearing clothes.” Jermaine settles on his bed, but pauses, “Have you had sex on my bed?”

“No!” Alex exclaims.

Jermaine relaxes again, lies back. “See, if I was you, and I’d’ve been in here a week with my lady, I’d have pushed the beds together.”

“That’s what I said!” Michael laughs.

“And I said it would be weird.” Alex offers.

Jermaine winks at him, “See, you just make me like you more and more. What if the bed was yours?” 

“Hmm?” Alex frowns.

“I could switch rooms with you. Or maybe not, I don’t know where you’re at in your relationship, is that moving too fast?” Jermaine looks between the two, like he’s hoping they’ll confirm he hasn’t completely put them in the shit. 

Michael glances at Alex, “Definitely not for me.”

“Not for me either.” Alex meets his glance, a tiny tender little smile playing on his lips. 

“Aww, well aren’t you two the sweetest.” Jermaine exaggeratedly coos. “Tell you what, we’ll switch for two weeks and see how it goes, yeah? Like, if Conrad snores, then no deal.”

“You snore!” Michael throws a pillow at Jermaine’s head. 

“Conrad’s hardly ever there.” Alex says, “I think we’ve been in there together, like five hours. I don’t know what he does, but it’s not hanging around here, that’s for sure.”

“Alright. Well, no time like the present. Chop chop, cutie pies, move my shit!”

“We? It’s your shit!” Michael argues, but since he and Alex are the ones that’ll get a room to themselves to fuck and hang naked in, they end up doing most of the schlepping between rooms. Michael does it under protest until Alex promises him they can do anal again that night.

**

Lectures start up again and the routine of the semester comes back. Alex’s physical bruises fade, but he’s gained more mental scars than he already had and Michael wishes he could somehow help with those too, hopes he already is. Living in the same room is great, and they do press the beds up against one another and move the desks to the other side of the room. Though they spend most of their time together, they separate for classes, obviously, and spend time with their own friends and activities. They have moments when they get on each other’s nerves, arguing about clothes on the floor is a constant battle, and Michael has to be careful not to leave the wrong research notebooks out. But he has his own account on Alex’s laptop now, and they both have keys to the pickup. 

In February, Michael gets a job at an auto repair shop about forty minutes out. He scores it by fixing up a car the employed mechanics don’t have time for, and gets paid fifty dollars cash for it. He’s told to keep showing up when he can to see if they need him and he earns two hundred in cash the first week alone.

“I should get a job too.” Alex says when Michael comes home flashing another thirty bucks. “Guitar lessons are out of the question, for the time being at least. I used to be pretty good at computers and shit, maybe I should see if there’s Best Buy or something hiring. I’ve been thinking about seeing if there are any computer science or programming classes I could get into, get some skills I can actually benefit financially from.”

“You’re a hacker?” Michael says, traipsing around the subject of Alex’s hands and what it means for his musical ambitions. They’ve got a few days to go before the cast gets taken off and a better assessment can be made. Alex gets sullen and moody when Michael nears the subject and they’ve both stuck to a tactic of ignorance on the matter.

Alex winks, “Had to get around my dad’s Internet and computer controls somehow. Porn can be excellent motivation for a growing boy.”

Michael cocks his head to the side a little, tries to make a suave ‘come here’-move, and is rewarded with Alex throwing his phone to the side, his entire attention is on Michael. That’s a step in the right direction. “Why’d you wanna get a job, anyway?”

“I don’t wanna rely on my dad. I keep expecting him to tell me he won’t pay for college anymore. I don’t know if I want him to pay for it. I don’t want to owe him anything. Working weekends in some store won’t pay for college, but I just… I have to feel like I’m gaining some independence already. The last six months have been amazing, being with you is great. But I’m still relying on his money. He has so much power over me and I don’t want him to.”

Completely forgetting about any sexual overtures, Michael gets down on his knees next to where Alex is sitting at his desk. “Hey. He doesn’t. You’re so brave. You keep standing up to him, the way you’ve always done. You should be so proud of yourself, because I am. He only has power over you if you let him.”

“I won’t let him,” Alex says, tears shining in his eyes. “I want my own money, my own life. I never want to see him again. I am done with him. I’m 18, he can fuck off. I’m never going back to that town again, and I never want anything to do with him again.”

“Has he even tried contacting you since, or any of your brothers?” Michael wonders. Alex has always been sparse with information about his family, but he’s been practically mute about them since Christmas.

“No.” Alex sighs quietly. “Landon emailed that he’s getting shipped out again, but there was nothing specific, just an update sent to lots people.”

Michael doesn’t understand how Alex’s brothers can just abandon him like that, how they can’t want to protect his gentle, fond, curious and fierce soul. Alex has grown up in a world of hurt, and has still become an open, accepting and loving person. Alex could so easily have broken Michael’s heart by now, but all he’s ever done is helped it grow and made it stronger. Michael believes in himself now in a way he never thought he could. Being away from Roswell, letting his true personality shine through with new friends and new knowledge, that’s done a lot for his sense of self-worth. But it’s Alex that’s slowly teaching him to love himself, to have patience with himself and allow himself to have fun without feeling guilty for it. Alex has taught him to allow himself to love.

“Well, fuck ‘em. You don’t need them. Besides, you have me.”

“I do, don’t I?” Alex says softly, puts a hand at Michael’s cheek. “You’re worth more than all of them combined.” The kiss he graces Michael with is soft, gentle. He leans down awkwardly, wraps Michael into an embrace, “Don’t go away. Ever. Please.”

“I won’t.” Michael can feel tears pooling. “I’m with you. Always.”

**

Two hours later, when Alex is at a LGBT club meeting, Michael gets a text from Max. _Valenti definitely onto something. Call me._ There’s also a picture of a notebook with symbols Michael recognizes drawn over and over again. He thinks of the alien glass hidden in his closet, and freaks the fuck out because the glass suddenly flies out of the closet and into his hands as if it was summoned by his thoughts. 

“Fuck.” 


End file.
